I'm interested to hear what your IC said. It mirrors my IC session! Strange how that works sometimes, eh? Having my pain recognized by IC has helped me honor my own pain. And fixing H seems to be a way to deal with my own pain. When he is struggling, I try to fix - but is it so I can feel better? Like I'll feel better if he feels better? Do you wonder these things too? Like when he had his bout of depression early on - you felt scared. Maybe if you could make him feel better it would take away your fear?
I read all this stuff about self soothing. I get fearful too when my H is down - but perhaps we need to work on self soothing. Not to suppress our pain, but to comfort ourselves. I'm not great at it, but it seems to be the way. Kalni has talked about his on her thread after reading "Passionate Marriage".
Perhaps if we can help ourselves feel better, we can let go of the urge to fix our men so we can feel better.
Also, remember it's a loving gift to want to nurture and comfort the one you love when they are in pain. I think it's natural for us women. But men need to feel independent in order to feel strong. Too much "mothering" and they feel like failures inside. But that is his stuff to deal with not yours. Your job is to comfort yourself in your space of pain.
