Yes, I referred to her in ways I should not have in the past when extreme frusturation hit. It wasn't right. I should have held my tongue and thoughts. I regret saying those things. I do not say them anymore regardless of whatever circumstances happen.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
SO2 - I dont see why not. Simply change "bitch to prick/a$$hole" and reverse genders in the above and your XH probably meets all 10 with flying colors.
Yes he does! Wow...I needed that laugh today. Thank you.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Kevin - do you remember what I posted after my H and I went to court?
Yes. I remember.
Quote:
Don't think for a second she did not know that she would be taking a pay cut.
She had 3 job offers that were only contracts with higher pay. She didn't want another contract. She wanted something permanent. She didn't want to have to be looking for another job again in 6 months.
Quote:
Did you not just say you have not heard a peep from her? Why do you think that is? She is now settled with her job and new house, she knows you have her back with money and she can keep on doing what she pleases.
She doesn't have a new house. She is still renting the one from her parents. She will have to find a new one this summer. And no, I didn't hear a peep out of her until she found out she got the job. On the bright side, she was trying to share exciting news with me in her life. That is a step for her. She would never share much with me in the past. I won't be supporting her lifestyle. I will only help if she truly needs help on a temporary basis.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Nobody is telling you NOT to focus on the positives. What we are saying is to stop burying your head in the sand with all the negatives.
All your W's "positives" are for her and her only. All your "positives" are for your W and your W only. See the problem here?
Nobody is telling you not to pray, believe or stand. We are suggesting you start living in reality. In order to live in reality you need to set boundaries and create plans and goals based on reality, not prayer. Prayer will help you through the process of setting and obtaining goals.
How are you going to feel if/when your W files for divorce and you look back and realize you may have had to chance to turn it around but you didn't due to your lack of accepting reality? And hey, reality can change but only if *we* change it.
Put all your mercy in God but stop putting yourself at the mercy of your W.
I am aware she is renting from her parents but you did say that arrangement will not continue. So, yes, she will be needing a new place to live be it an apartment or house.
Did you ever consider maybe she was sharing her "good news" in order to have a reason to ask you for assistance if need be? She made herself look wonderful... look at me, I took a huge pay cut despite all my great offers and I will be paying the insurance BUT since I did all this you may have to help me out.
Sorry, that is how it reads to me. She never shared anything with you in the recent past because she did not need anything. Having been on the receiving end of this for 22 months with my own H I am familiar with the routine.
Anything W does seems to be taken as a complete negative on here. There seems to be no hope that someone can actually change even if it be very slowly. I realize a lot of people say to walk away from this and she isn't worth it.
I say she is worth it. I didn't marry someone that wasn't worth it. She is very worth it. She just went through a crazy crazy outburst for a while.
I truly think she is settling back down now. She is becoming grounded again. She is looking for direction in her life. Otherwise, why start attending church again? I am not sure if yall quite grasp just how big this is. For over a year she would have nothing to do with church or anyone involved at a church. She adamantly refused. This is a turn around for her.
CG, I acknowledge how it looks to some and how you see it and how everyone else appears to see it.
But I am putting my faith and trust in God on this one. It is kind of like Charlyne says, keep your eyes off the current circumstances and keep them on God. I know this is going to come back at me as detach and let God do his own thing without my involvement.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Well, if you have decided how you will do things why bother posting here anymore? Can you be clear about what you hope to get from this message board? Support only in the way you want it? What is it that you need from the other forum members?
It is very unfair for you to say that everything your W does is taken as a negative "around here". For one, none of us know your W therefore we don't know everything she does. Second, the positive things she is doing is for her and her only. Third, it is much easier to see the big picture when you are not so emotionally vested in a situation.
People can change. No doubt about it. Just because they make positive changes in their life it does not mean a marriage will ever be restored. It is not something you can bank on at all.
Just like my H has no respect for me unless he needs something (or he is called out on it then he fakes respect for a bit then goes back to his old ways) it seems to me that your W has no respect for you either unless it benefits her.
Good for her if she is back in Church. That is a positive for her and has nothing to do with you or your M. Good for her that she used logic and took a long term job with decent pay and benefits in his horrible economy over a short term high paying job. Again, good sense that has nothing to do with you. It was for her own comfort. None of those things are negatives AT ALL but they have nothing to do with you.
Anything W does seems to be taken as a complete negative on here. There seems to be no hope that someone can actually change even if it be very slowly. I realize a lot of people say to walk away from this and she isn't worth it.
I say she is worth it. I didn't marry someone that wasn't worth it. She is very worth it. She just went through a crazy crazy outburst for a while.
I truly think she is settling back down now. She is becoming grounded again. She is looking for direction in her life. Otherwise, why start attending church again? I am not sure if yall quite grasp just how big this is. For over a year she would have nothing to do with church or anyone involved at a church. She adamantly refused. This is a turn around for her.
Kevin
Kev here's what I see...Your W could be changing and has some small second thoughts...What you're not seeing is you are not, if she approached to to R I think you would be so clingy it would drive her away.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I appreciate the insight. The biggest peice for me is to make sure I am in a healthy state of mind. And it is tough getting there and staying there all the time. I do let things bring me down.
And no, I wouldn't be clingy if she comes back. I am not about to scare her off if she starts making that journey back. I will let her come back on her own terms. I will be happy and I will definitely be praising God and trusting in Him and giving Him all the glory. But I will also be careful in my interactions with W as to not push things and push her away.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Good for her if she is back in Church. That is a positive for her and has nothing to do with you or your M. Good for her that she used logic and took a long term job with decent pay and benefits in his horrible economy over a short term high paying job. Again, good sense that has nothing to do with you. It was for her own comfort. None of those things are negatives AT ALL but they have nothing to do with you.
I know none of these things have anything to do with me. But ultimately these are things heading into a great direction for her that could lead us back together on top of it with time.
I got to find a job.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
