We went to MC yesterday and we each took a half hour individually instead of together.
W wants to work on her anger and that is good because if she escalates I am afraid for S12.
I talked to C about my issues and I filled C in on W's abuse as a child.
C said that that explains a lot and we should have brought that up earlier.
C will try to work that out in W's IC.
C suggested that I back away and leave contact about kids only. So that is what I will do. She said still lots of hope but W has to have issues fixed first and I need to be ready for a long recovery.
I am.
I think I needed to hear this in person for it to finally sink in.
On a plus side W came out from her time and was in a much better mood and said that individual time was much better than together time and wants to buy the book "Boundaries" by Cloud. She wants to get the book today because C suggested it to her.
I think we are both on track to healing; unfortunately for now it looks like the healing will take place separately.
I cannot help her through this but I think C can by asking the right questions to get her to look at herself.
MC will be pushed off until W has had a few IC sessions and I can see that my own IC needs to be ramped up.
I will also reread this thread and see what else I can finally absorb.
I do not blame you for giving up on me, hell some days I want to as well. Your help so far has been valuable if it took me a long time to finally realize it.
C has validated most of the thing you all have said. The only difference is that she said since I was always the one in control I should continue to let W have house for now as part of my 180. Other than that C agrees with what has been said on this thread by you guys.
I have been operating in Panic and fear and without a truly open mind.
Time for something different.
W and I need to heal and as long as that happens it is good for the children. I hope that we can come back together but not before we are in a better place with ourselves.
So here is to the start of a different type of journey. Wish me luck. I cannot fix W and she cannot fix me, but with the right C to ask the right questions to make us look inward we may be able to fix ourselves individually. Only then can we fix the M.
I hope this does not take as long as it did for KAW his took over 3 years. I am trying to build strength to last as long as it takes.
Again, thank you very much for helping is bullheaded man.
D
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
