I guess I grow tired of waiting for her to come around and at times ti causes be to back slide.
Kevin
Classic codependency:
People often get addicted to hope: The hope that the person will change. Before anything can change, you first have to deal with that addiction to hope. You have to start setting limits. You have to figure out a plan to change things; one that makes sense. Then move through those steps -- not allowing any backpedaling.
Even misery can be an addiction. People get hooked on their own unhappiness, the victim mentality. They learn to get attention by getting people to feel sorry for them.
There is no strong sense of self. Ask them who they are, and men will give their job title. Women will say I'm a wife, partner, daughter, mother -- they define themselves in terms of relationships. A healthy person would say, 'I'm an independent and adventurous person.' There's nothing wrong with being proud of your job or relationships, but a healthy person should be able to identify characteristics beyond that.
They care about the other individual in the relationship; They know there is a good side to this person. They're hoping against hope that they can go back to the good times -- even when it's blatantly obvious nothing will change.
At some point, they have to wake up and smell the coffee. They have to get beyond their emotions and look at the history of behavior. This has been a pattern. When you can get past the emotions and examine facts, write them down.
Getting professional counseling from a mental health worker, psychologist, or family physician can give you the strength to break away from a codependent relationship.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
