Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

Their saying that flow is good now and I concour as I can now cut onions and garlic and stuff and not add my fingertips to the mix sense I couldn't feel them. So apparently the blockage is clear and it's just debris that we're chasing around now.

I dunno know, it's weird. But yeah, I'm on a army of pills at the moment.

[RonD]

Man, scary stuff. Glad you're getting that taken care of. Glad to hear everything else is coming together for you too.

As far as going into full blown reconciliation, do it when you know it's right. Didn't take me long; we're getting re-married 1st of June.

[EJohn]

dday,

I don't think I've posted to you before (more of a lurker), but I follow your stitch because of the hope that it brings me. I was nervous the last few days without the updates. So happy that you're alright!

I know what you mean about doctors writing things off. A few years back I was having joint pain and other difficulties that were written off as rheumatoid arthritis (28 years old at the time) until my symptoms reached a very serious level, then I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis. Spent about a year in pain until they figured it out. Two days on the right pills and I was right as rain!

That's awesome about the taxi. My stbx once told me that she keeps her OM man around because he's "useful". Thanks honey, "that totally makes it acceptable!" lol

E

[NoCodeBlues]

Wow, dude, that was some "short story"! Glad you're doing better.

[dday101798]

Thanks all, and thanks Ejohn for stopping by, I'm glad that my situation can provide some hope for those who are not fairing so well with their spouses or exes or what have you. I kind of stopped posting in other areas I have been because sometimes I just feel so guilty to be where I am and others are not.

That said, first night away from (x)W last night since last Wednesday and I don't know how much longer things can stay this way. It felt so weird.

(x)W did tell me though that the driver that picked her up yesterday told her they are looking for a few drivers. It's a little local 'livery' company in town that might just work out for me. She told him I have a squeaky clean driving record and all and he said to stop in and talk to the owner, so there's a ray of hope on some much needed extra income. The couple of days off from last week and all the days being a half hour late to work because of dropping her off at work took their toll on my check and I am in HUGE trouble for the next 2 weeks.

(x)W did file her taxes last night and somehow got an amazing return. She even let me look it over as I was curious as to how she got so much back and how much it cost to rapid refund. It's all legit so I don't know. She only claimed S12 as she's supposed to. I'm fretting over my taxes because I'm still getting letters from the IRS over last year's return. She knows that may be an issue.

Anyway, she had all these plans for what to do with her return, but now, in light of all the problems with S12 and not knowing what to do, and nights like last night not being able to sleep because I wasn't there, she's talking about getting an apartment so that I can move in whenever I'm ready.

It's looking up and up. I would still like our house back, but I don't know if it's in the cards for us financially, and now it's been neglected and beaten up by the ungrateful leaches in it, sooooo. Last night after everybody turned their back on her to help with S12 she said she just wants to move away from here. That's soudns great in theory, but in the reality of today's job market? Not gonna happen. And now she says her work is getting really po'd over the problems with S12, so, I don't know what the plan is going to end up being, but hey, we're gonna make it, some way, some how.

She does have that infernal house down state, which is cheap and all, but I don't know if I could handle OM's involvement in it. And that's to day anything about where I'd work.

hmmmm, much to ponder I do have.

[dday101798]

oh, and a new stress to add to the mix:

I have to check in a little bit on the status, but as of today, S12's sperm doner (biological "father") is supposed to be off parole today.

(x)W has already contacted the parole board and reminded them that he has been stripped of all parental rights and is to never ever come within 500 yards of S12 and that he has been at her father's house previously. Sooooooooo, yeah.

[dday101798]

Eek, parole case info is no longer available, which means, case closed. I would seriously hope the fool wouldn't be that stupid.

Anywho, more dilemmas of a lesser kind. (x)W just called me a few minutes ago and said she was going to hop on the train to go see Avitar, which I've been wanting to see too, but hse says tonight is the last night. Problem, is, I know my cousin is going to flip again now about the amount of time we all spend together.

Uggh, does it ever get any easier? I pay a fixed rent now and have a few other debts to clear up, why do I get a nerve wrecked feeling now everytime I have to say, "hey something came up and may not be home tonight"? Like I've said, I'm 34 darn years old, the kids are happy to see me and upset like this morning when I say I can't be there tonight.

blach,

[reconcilled]

dday......This is going to be long and unsolicited. I hope my words offer some help.

First time posting to you but have been following your story as the nuts and bolts of your situation are similar to mine. I too am divorced from my now reconcilled (x)W.

Our "falling out" was very fast and furious. She basically took off after having just the right (wrong) people to tell her to leave and her ignoring the ones that truely did care for well being. After 6 months of turmoil I filed and got full custody of kids and everything we owned with no contest from her.

We went our seperate ways for about 6 months and she basically ignored the kids during that 6 months. I saw her downward spiral and did what I had to to protect the kids from a tainted view of their mother. I did this knowing that she would someday come out of it and step back up to the plate of motherhood given her upbringing.

So, as she came out of the tailspin of her "great new life" and I had well moved on with my own (sans female attention) she saw what it was she left and began moving back to the family. That took another 6 months and one day she came to me and said she needed her family back. Over the course of the next couple months that plan was set in motion.

I'mm sorry for making the above so long, but it helps with what I have to offer on advice of what has developed with your situation....

Looks like you have an extremely complex situation (aren't they all???). But they really boil down to three or four areas to address. I am guilty myself of trying to fix "everything" all at once. But when I tell myself to break it down to pieces and solve what I can I get much more accomplished.

First area of concern that I see as most important....Your Son. I too have a 12 year old boy. As you know, this is an integral time in his life. What I am seeing by your posts of his behavior is that he is seeking stability!!! So that needs to be your goal and plays into all the other "stuff" you have going on. He is screaming for attention and at 12 he needs to be given that. You and your (x)W are the only ones that have any control over that. My son never lashed out but I took every step I needed to maintain the status quo when my ex and I were apart. Everything from routines to traditions. He still suffered deeply, but I believe the damage was contained by doing that.

So, now ALL THE OTHER STUFF......from what I can see, whether it can be controled or not, it's time to grab them reins and bring things back in check.

Everyone told me to take it VERY slow when my wife and started on our path back together. Until you've been there, you will never understand how difficult that really is. Right?

So I say to you, time to sit down with the wife and a pad of paper and pencil (so you can adjust as needed) and figure out a game plan for YOUR lives. Bring the family back together. No matter how unpopular it may be with FIL or Cousin. Bring stability back to your life. Whether it's in the old house, an apartment, the OM's house, wherever!!! I understand your reservations about each dwelling. But it could be short term until that stability has had time to manifest itself to a good life again. Bottom line is get the family back together and work together as a team and make small but important gains in righting your world.

I understand the desire not to tick off the cousin....my sister was very reserved when I told her we were getting back together. But now two years later, it is like old times. If people REALLY care for you, they will over time get used to it.

Well, as I said it was going to be, this is getting long. Hopefully my message of restore the family first has been made. Everything else really will work itself out.

[RonD]

Dday,

Reconcilled's post is some of the soundest advice I've seen yet. Your sons need a family they can count on. You and your XW need stability in your relationship. If you're going to start building a new life with your family, there's no need to waste time. Best wishes,

[addie]

Hi dday!

I haven't read all of your sitch. I'm not sure why you're so concerned about what your cousin thinks. It should be your decision and XW, no one else's. Reconcilled's post seems to make a lot of sense.