H is apartment hunting today

[trytryagain]

thanks, OP and OTM. that's good advice. i haven't said "i love you" to him in at least a few weeks. i said it once to him a few days after he dropped the bomb (and before i found and read DR), but haven't said it (or texted or emailed it) to him since. i have found other ways to SHOW him my love without saying it...making a home cooked meal for us to share when i know he's been eating fast food and take out for the last few weeks, or packing a lunch for him to take to work after going grocery shopping. he got a new job last week that he'll start this coming monday and i left a card in the car just saying congrats, i'm very proud and i know you'll do really well there. no i love you.

he knows i still have faith in making our M work, becuase i have told him as much. it's hard to take the ADHD into account sometimes because over the last 5 years, i've grown so accostomed to the way he behaves (in patterns) that i honestly forget he has it and just think, that's just him being him. but i have read enough about to know that his brain just doesn't function the way mine does.

i know he's operating with a lot of guilt right now so i'm trying my best to not heap any more on him. he wants to have lunch to go over legal papers and discuss when he'll move out (he hasn't said as much but i know it's coming), so i'm working on approaching the situation from a non-emotional standpoint. OTM, that's a good line and i like the idea of being able to say i love you without setting him up to reply to me.

trust me, i know some of my pervious posts sound like i'm wallowing and i will admit i've done a bit of that, but all my desperation is kept behind the closed door of my apartment and my H does not see any of it. i put my brave face on when i do see him...which is less and less these days.

one of the things he said to me earlier was that he SHOULD want to fight for our M and he just doesn't. i'm optimistic that that's not a forever feeling and right now he just needs some breathing room to figure that out.

sigh.