It seems like you are doing the right thing by retaining your own L. Your STBXW and her L seem to be in panic because of your striking hard now.
They say to treat the financial aspect of the divorce as a business deal. However, a business deal with a company like your STBXW would have been given up quite some time ago when it was determined that they could not be relied upon with agreements they made. You are now dealing more in terms of an armistice. Just make sure you dont be the one doing the unconditional surrender.
Hold on to your N.U.T.s indeed. Keep that legal hammer cocked, but in a calm manner. Pick your battles carefully and cut your loses when it seems that increased litigation will delay and become much more costly.
Separate the emotion (the loss of family, etc) from the legal (equal dispersion of financial assets and debts).
Let Bob take care of the legal, do his job. He's great at it. Let him know you want out as cleanly and fiscally responsibly as possible.
Your divorcing spouse lacks boundaries and common sense; e.g., telling YOUR legal representative to butt out and thinking it's a good idea. So.. you do need a lawyer.
And, G.. you have to trust his advice because your wife knows how to push your buttons.
Ask yourself what is appropriate. Then make it so.
