Yes I think I will meet live w one next week if I can. I've gotten good feedback from others who have gone down this path before, but sometimes it is overwhelming knowing what the right thing is to do. I feel the bitterness more acutely when I am on the road and traveling for work...when I am home - back here in CA or wherever around friends and activities, I feel much more grounded, centered, and OK.
So separation/D forces you to rethink your entire life - in terms of where to live, work, etc. That can be daunting and it feels very alone sometimes, not having a partner. I had this feeling last week like what if something happened and I couldn't work...or frankly, I just don't want to work this hard, might be nice to go back to school or part time or something. But that would mean major paycut and when I think about that I get angry at H. Is that even justified? Like where is he upholding the end of the bargain? But we can't feel bitter forever, that will eat us up, right? We need to let go. I think every day I need to practice acceptance of where I am right now, even though it is radically different than where I thought I would be.
As to the dinner thing, yes I need to be stronger (I am already feeling better than I did last wk..thanks for all your help). I guess I can email him about tax stuff via email.. I still think it would be nice to have a civil exchange before I move. I miss him, and his friendship even, but I need to try to close that chapter, I know. Do you think it unwise to ask him about tuition $ over dinner or in a civil conversation? It would be nice to handle it without lawyers (I know this is a path he does not want to go down - he said 'I don't want anything from you and you don't want anything from me, right?') but I think knowing my rights is good, of course. When I called some last fall I did feel more empowered.
I need to keep healing, it's not over yet (the healing is, that is)...it takes awhile I guess. Wish I could rush the process but need to be patient and move on.
