Originally Posted By: Walking Are you falling in love with your friend-with-benefits Lover SSMGuy?
Not really.
Puleez...... Not really??? That's like being kind-of pregnant!!!!
It's a matter of degree and what you mean. It's not black and white or a single scale. I know what "I can't get you out of my mind" love is like, but few people could say that about their spouses after 10 years, though they'd still say they love them. Just like you can overinterpret what Tiger meant when he told one mistress she was the only person he ever loved. Yeah, right, just how do you really define that feeling, and does he really think he never had any feelings for the woman he decided to marry? It's not that simple, but people love to have discussions about it like it's a black and white thing.
And why does this come up in the context of sex? I would say I have fallen in love with several other women in the past, and without having sex with them at all. Like I said, perhaps more so than other people, sex and love have become pretty separate for me, out of necessity.
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It also demonstrates the tricky balance your circumstance sets you up to juggle. You need to care for your partner in order to have a relationship close enough to be intimate (because you're a good, kind man and you respect her and want to treat her well)- but you can't or shouldn't love her because that's reserved for the mother of your children.
Actually, I'm more concerned about how the partner might feel about it, which is why I've turned down some other sexual invitations. I sensed that more was involved than just recreation, so to speak, even if the partner didn't think so. It's all about knowing the other person's situation and their needs. But it's still tricky, of course. Which is why I would much prefer a simpler solution, like having a spouse who serves as a partner in all these respects.
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Can you see what a bind this puts you in ? (despite protestations that the European style mistress can and does work in a lot of situations - noting it didn't work too well for the likes of Princess Diana or her children) ...
And marriage can and does work in a lot of situations, but noting it hasn't worked too well in about 50 million marriages in the last few decades in the USA. So much for that comparison. Most marriages fail, most pre-marital relationships fail, most mistress relationships fail. The only thing that doesn't risk a messy breakup is celibacy.
