hhmmm no I don't need to decide if it's a LTR. He definetly speaks of things in the future... some in the near future and some in future like in a year or so. I have refrained from that. I don't know if I believe in the reality of LTR's in a marriage sense.
I am not saying that I won't enter into a marriage and I know I would be in it, but I don't know that I would ever 100% trust the other person to be in it. I had good H for years and then boom! So, to know that someone can be deceptive and live a lie is scary.
This is why I still am in counseling but I am not sure she can restore that part of me. It's not like I walk around bitter or hurt or angry. I just have to get over the FEAR of being devasted again. But I guess with any LTR you have to take that chance. I guess what really sets me back as I didn't expect to see in someone the potential that I see in FFG.
I was talking to one of my friends tonight about all this and she said "Sandy, you've been an empty vessel for two years. You met someone who is filling that vessel. Now, you have to make sure your not just liking the fact that he is doing and saying all the right things but that YOU like HIM for who HE is not for what HE is doing for YOU. " So food for thought, and I find it interesting that it took me so long to figure out that I was feeling the opposite with STBXH.... I felt in love with the idea of family, idea of H, idea of nuclear family. I don't know when I fell out of love with STBXH in the past year. I know I must have at some point after some lie he told and the kicker is I would have stuck it out and because he didn't feel it ... he bolted.
That all doesn't matter any more.
STBXH pulled a great one tonight. He has gone back on most of the financial things we agreed upon in our previous attorney meeting. He doenst' feel I should have any of his pensions but he will split the other funds with me 50/50 .... doesn't think it's right that 25 years from now he will have to be writing me a check every month. He screamed and yelled at me more and for the first time in a long time it made me cry.
I think I am beginning to Hate him...That makes me sad.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
