Tips on cutting all ties to S

[brknheart]

My story is here as well as an update.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1919962#Post1919962

I need to start cutting ties to my S. We have no kids, so after the D (which can become final Mar 1) I dont really need to see her again.

We had the same circle of friends and since we separated, some friends are on her side while others are "neutral". These neutral friends hang out with her from time to time, I havent been near them in a month. Since I will no longer be living in that city, Im going to cut ties to these friends.

Next I will be moving all of my stuff out of the house, including taking 2 of our animals. After the moveout, we will meet with the mediator to writeup the property settlement and D paperwork. I think the final tie will be the house. She is going to buy me out.

To help me move on with my life, I dont want to see or hear about her for a long time. Are there any other things I should cut off, ties that I may have missed?

[Gardener]

brknheart,
Sounds bitter. How do you cut ties to friends? Especially those who remained neutral throughout.
Just thinking out loud, here. I'm going to move cross country after next week's D myself, though not right away.
Concentrate on those ties you want to maintain, would be my suggestion.

[Gypsy]

Hey brknheart..

Read "Getting Past Your Breakup". There's a great blog associated with it, too.

As far as friends go, most people look to you for direction. I 'gave' my former spouse all the friends where he worked so there wouldn't be any overlap. Now I hear that they care about me and aren't judging.

It's all about what you feel are appropriate healthy boundaries.

*hugs*

[brknheart]

Thanks for the replies.

The friends I am referring to seem to be ignoring me now. Ive made efforts to contact them via Facebook, email, phone, and txt. Either they are uncomfortable with whats going on or they feel they can stay friends with my W since I no longer live near them. I know im making accusations but I feel betrayed by some of these friends since I know they have been talking and doing things with my W even though they dont agree with what she is doing. Even though they are "neutral" they have made comments on how the things she has been doing and saying doesnt make sense, and some of the things she did to me are not right.

[brknheart]

Update:

I feel my R with those friends are tainted by lies my W may have told them. I even have a suspicion that one of those friends may be trying to hookup with my W...

Cutting ties to everyone may be harsh but I feel I have no choice. I cant trust them...

[SallyM]

To help me move on with my life, I dont want to see or hear about her for a long time. Are there any other things I should cut off, ties that I may have missed?

I don't know your situation, but I'd say one of the best way to cut ties is to do what you are doing, and then to go further and add things to your life now. for every tie you cut, add something new, not just leave an empty spot. if you feel you must cut ties with these friends, then make a plan to actively meet new friends. add activities, learn something new, fill your life up with positive things that you can focus on, instead of the losses.

good luck!

[brknheart]

Curiosity got the best of me and I took a look at a site that my W post pictures to. Yep, it made me feel like sh*t. Part of me doesnt want her to succeed in life because of what shes done to me, I guess this is normal. She is in a better position right now to move on with her life since she is staying in the same city, house, same friends, and new job. My life on the other hand will take time since everything is changing, new city, need to make new friends, new job, etc. I am excited that I can start off with a clean slate but its also a bit scary. The other part of me wants to show her how good I can do without her... I guess I will have my moments of curiosity of what she is doing, this to shall pass.

[brknheart]

today was one of the hardest days of my life. moving my stuff out of the house. Physically and emotionally draining, more emotional than anything. So many memories, good times and bad. I kept asking myself "why" the entire day... I have to look forward though, I can start off new. I need to get back on my feet though, hopefully it doesn't take to long.

[Gardener]

brknheart,

My life on the other hand will take time since everything is changing, new city, need to make new friends, new job, etc. I am excited that I can start off with a clean slate but its also a bit scary.

I know how you feel as I begin to plan my move. Think: Adventure! I don't know about you, but I've never gone on a real adventure. I'm due. Sounds like you are, too.

[Gardener]

today was one of the hardest days of my life. moving my stuff out of the house. Physically and emotionally draining, more emotional than anything. So many memories, good times and bad. I kept asking myself "why" the entire day... I have to look forward though, I can start off new. I need to get back on my feet though, hopefully it doesn't take to long.

Yeah, that's as about as painful as it gets.