Is this piecing?

[Freckle6]

Hope, he left not because of you, but because of him. I don't know the details of the beginning of your sitch, but I can probably guarantee he wasn't "happy", right? And of course they blame that on us.

I know how you feel. I often wondered if it would be easier if my H had left me for an OW instead of leaving me to go crash in the tiny apt. above his friend's excavating business's garage. At least I could have fantasized that this OW was gorgeous and smart and perfect and I have no chance of competing with that. No, instead he left his W and infant son for no discernible reason. Apparently I was that awful too.

Yeah, that's how you feel and I know everyone saying it's not you, it's him doesn't make that all go away, but I just wanted to remind you. It's not you, honey. Yeah, you weren't the perfect wife, but he wasn't the perfect husband either or treating you in a way that inspired you to be that perfect wife and partner for him.

I think you should redirect some of your focus off him and what's going on in his head right now and concentrate on a thing or two that would help you if he stays off in la-la land for a while. Something to give you confidence in yourself and a sense that maybe you will be able to be on your own and be just fine. That confidence will shine through to him and people like people who are confident, right? I know you mentioned looking for work and that's a good idea. If nothing else, event the most part-time of a job will give you a distraction. I know it helped me a lot.

I hope tomorrow brings you a more PMA. Remember how good you felt on your birthday? See, our moods ebb and flow. Sometimes it helps to give into the sads so they'll go away for a little while longer! Hugs.