Thanks to both Pearl and 25...lots to think about and I'm trying to not let emotions rule me and think about what is right course of action. Actually h did email me back this morning shortly after I posted. Said he's on a project for work and long rough hours and not liking his job all that much. Go figure...reality hits to some extent, perhaps. Not that it means anything different for us, but party is over. He asked is everything ok, anything urgent i need/want to discuss? and said that next week is better if I am not traveling. I think I may be here so we may be able to get together. How should I set this up? It would be nice to have a friendly exchange...it's hard to not have any relationship w someone you were so close to at one point in time.
I would calmly (and yes, calm is key) like to be see what he might feel comfortable cotributing back, since last yr at one pt he did say he'd pay back tuition money, and ask basics about taxes (we do still have to file as married since we were all 2009). BUT I also kinda just want to have a calm, civil dinner w hin before I leave. So I wonder if i say that i just have some housekeeping things to discuss (taxes or whatever and be vague) or come out and say thought it might be nice to get together before I move. (Since actually, I don't think he even knows I am officially moving now). It would be nice to part of civil ways, amicably, as friends, not consumed by anger.
I'll probably email him back in a day or so that next week might work. Frankly we've gotta communicate in some capacity. I still toy with the lawyer thing. The ones I have talked to in MA say that given length of your M and no kids, court would probably just say leave each w your own assets. I may see if I can sit down and formally interview one as I only talked to them on the phone for 20-30 mins.
Thanks for your ideas..your post yesterday 25 really resonated about how standing up for yourself can actually make h/a man respect you more...I think I've been fearful most of this past yr, afraid anything I did would upset him or give him another reason to put me down or call me selfish or fight. I don't want to fight, i am too drained to fight w him. The past is the past, you are so right...and if he can't let go of that and embrace what I once thought was our shared vision of the future, than so be it. I think I'm also just bitter b/c post school I envisioned us/me in a very different place...but it is what it is. I need to let go of this and open to the next phase. Good night all, and peace.
