No, not at all. I want to make sure I'm following you correctly, though. You told her that the kids didn't want to have anything to do with her while she's having A, and she's saying that they are cool with it....right?
I think you are seeing what I was saying about the shock value to a WAW, however, my advice is not to say anything about how the kids feel toward her, at this point. Not that you need to place your D17 in the middle of her parents, but I think your W would have to actually hear from D17 that she doesn't like what her mother is doing. I have forgotten the other's age, but if they know about it and tell her they don't like it and then don't hang out with her.....that will be the shock. But you telling her how the kids feel will not work b/c she thinks you are speaking instead of them. It would be much more effective if she got it just from D17.
If I were you and my D17 was getting TM's from anyone at 2:00 am, I would have to put a halt to that. How can she rest and go to school if she's getting TM's all night? Your W is showing how immature she's being (trying to act like a teenager) and she's certainly not thinking of the D17's welfare. What was she going to do, have a party at that time of morning? Kids don't think it's "cool" when it's their parent acting like that.
If your D17 usually gets TM's throughout the night and there has not been a boundary about her cell phone, then it may be very hard to set. Did your D17 tell you about the TM after she woke up this morning or did she wake you up right then? Anyway, if there is no set rules about the her cell phone, she may have to decide to tell her mom that she can't be waking up in the middle of the night to take calls and that it is upsetting and she can't stay focused with school. Just a thought.
Your WAW is going to have to face the cold hard facts that the grass is not greener where she's trying to live right now. If her kids lets her know that they want no part of staying with her and that they want her to act like a grow-up mom instead of a teenager, that will hit her hard in the face....if she's convinced it is their own feelings and didn't come from you.
I have read some of your posts to newcomers and you give good advice. That shows that you do understand the concept behind the DBing. That says a lot!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
