Hopeless feelings

[mb28]

Sorry I hope I haven't offended anyone, by acting like I’m not going to take the advice. I don’t have to expose to my H tonight. I do have a major concern with contacting OWH first. I contacted a very good guy friend of mine and asked him how he would feel if a woman came to him and gave him this kind info. He said he would like proof, not just my own eyes. I was with a friend so I do have an eye witness. But my guy friend’s very valid concern is that we don't know OWH. And he worries that as far as we know this man can be violent and attack his W or my H or even me which I want no part of any kind of violence. I think it would be different if I knew this man. But I have never met him in my life. I still believe that he deserves to know, but I don't want to be the one who tells him. I could never forgive myself if something bad happened from me telling him. Maybe an anonymous letter?

I don’t even planning on using this A against my H in a D. Knowing that I’m not crazy and not feeling like our separation was my entire fault anymore has helped me so much. I know what I did to push him away and was carrying that quilt, but ultimately it was his choice to have an A and he will have to own that quilt and stop trying to turn that around on me. I know I have it in me to forgive him, but if he still wants out, I’m ok with that too, knowing what I know now.

I have decided against threatening my H or OW to tell OWH. Therefore, I need advice on what to say when I do decide to expose it. NOTE: I am reviewing puppydogtail’s post as much as I can. My plan would be to keep my emotions in check and remain very calm. Let H know what I’ve seen and where. I don’t care if he denies, I’ve seen all I need to for myself. I think when I do confront him I should keep the conversation short, tell him what I know, then kindly ask him to leave (this would not be kicking him out, we are already separated). It does not have to be tonight, I would just like some pointers on what to say and what to NOT say.