yep it is business & just like with business one can approach it with a variety of perspectives, which brings about their own unique feelings & thoughts.
One that is common in divorce is:
"I'm taking all I can and getting out attitude & screw who ever thinks I should take less than exactly what is owed to me emotionally and financially."
or
"I understand both sides have positions that have arisen from both emotional fears & needs. As one of the negotiators in the process of dissovling the partnership, I can either feed the need & starve the fear or starve the need & feed the fear. To negotiate compassionately & fairly, with honor & respect, I need to understand the "why" of the other side in order to be able to adjust what I feed & starve.
acting in accordance to my core values determines which of the above I choose. It is difficult not to reciprocate, when the other side chooses to feed our fears & starve our needs.
One thing I used that helped to keep things in perspective for me was: how will "this" (whatever the contentious point was) affect my life (& my kids lives) in the next 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years?
It's only when it started affecting things in the 5 year mark did I start pushing back by trying to understand his "why" & insisting that he at least try to understand mine.
Otherwise a lot of things got pushed to the side in light of the big picture.
I can sleep at my night given my settlement. I wish the same for you.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
