How do I expose the affair

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I've really thought about this a lot today about telling the OWH first. I contacted a very good guy friend of mine and asked him how he would feel if a woman came to him and gave him the info. He said he would like proof, not just my own eyes. I was with a friend so I do have an eye witness. But my guy friend’s very valid concern is that we don't know OWH. And he worries that as far as we know this man can be violent and attack his W or my H which I want neither to happen. I think it would be different if I knew this man. But I have never met him in my life. I still believe that he deserves to know, but I don't want to be the one who tells him. I could never forgive myself if something bad became of me telling him.

I really do feel very in control of my emotions right now. I needed to know for my own mental health, and honestly everyone (family & friends) already think he is having an affair. Therefore, I don't think I'll have the problem of no one believing me.

I don’t even planning on using this A against him in a D. Knowing that I’m not crazy and not feeling like our separation was my entire fault anymore has helped me so much. I know what I did to push him away and was carrying that quilt, but ultimately it was his choice to have an A and he will have to own that quilt and stop trying to turn that around on me. Therefore, I want to expose the A in the calmest way possible. I know I have it in me to forgive him, but if he still wants out, I’m ok with that too, knowing what I know now.

I have decided against threatening to tell OWH, if they don’t within 24-48 hours. Therefore, I need advice on what to say when I do decide to expose it. NOTE: I am reviewing puppydogtail’s post as much as I can.