I'm looking to see if I should be proud of myself for what I did today...at least the last thing I did. The first part not so much.
Last night, I asked her if she wanted to stop by on her way home from work as she had suggested for drinks. At first, she said she'd think about it but when she got off work, she said she was tired and asked if we could just go to lunch tomorrow and get our daughters hair cut. She ended up calling me and we talked for almost her entire ride home from work.
Therefore, we did the haircut and went to get lunch, but the place was still closed so we went over to Best Buy and walked around. She and I ended up playing the Guitar Hero video game together...and I was on top of the world from the quality time.
We went over to the restaurant and were having a good meal and good conversation when a love song came on and I started staring at her with what she calls "the googley eyes like I'm a supermodel you've never seen before". Apparently, it makes her quite uncomfortable.
She hatefully pointed it out and the wind instantly went out of my sails. The good time we had been having was gone. We tried moving on and talking about something else, paid and left the restaurant, and as we were pulling out, I looked over at her in her car, waiting for "the wave", and she waved but rolled her eyes. I found out later I was staring at her again.
At any rate, I ended up feeling bad at her eye rolling but went on to the gym and came back home. About an hour later, she dropped our daughter off and I asked her if she wanted to sit down. She said she wasn’t going to but that since I had something to talk about she would. At this point, her mood was ok...but that would soon change.
I asked her if she thought tonight might be a better night to try for drinks. I might as well have gone over and poked her with a sharp stick. She got angry and asked me why I was pushing this "lets have drinks" thing so much...that she told me yesterday she was usually tired after work.
I responded that she was the one who originally suggested it (see a few posts ago) and that while I know she's sometimes tired after work I assumed she suggested after work because it was generally ok with her. She then said she thought us having lunch together today would make up for us not having drinks last night.
I told her that it was fine to have lunch together but I was hoping for more quality time with the two of us. I said if after work isn’t good, then maybe we could do it on her nights off.
She responded with why couldn’t we do stuff together during the day, and I said that would be fine too but who would watch our daughter. She seemed to get really bothered by that, asking what was wrong with the three of us doing stuff together.
This lead to her telling me to let go of the past so I could move on and I think I said something about how I wish she could let go of some things too. She told me how my staring at her like I do is aggravating, as are "all these plans" I keep trying to make about her and I doing stuff. She said she didn’t feel comfortable over here (our house...though why would she suggest the drinks here then) and us talking about stuff made her even less comfortable.
I apologized for the staring, while still letting her know how much it hurt that our nice day was halted by the two incidents at the restaurant. But I told her I would make a conscious effort not to stare at her like that anymore and I would appreciate it if she noticed me doing it if she could indicate it to me in a less confrontational manner. She seemed willing on that.
I don’t remember the words that transitioned to the next part of the conversation...I think it had to do with not having false hope for the future and not making promises to people.
At any rate, I told her that if she decided to move on with someone else, I would not be friends with her. I told her I didn’t want to be her buddy while she was with another guy and didn’t want to be the one she came to about her problems when they weren’t getting along. I told her we would have contact only at pickups and drop-offs of our daughter and on school related occasions if our daughter was in trouble or anything medical.
I was extremely calm and polite about it, and told her that I couldn’t control her and wasn’t trying to, but I could control my own actions and myself. I told her I have respect for her and her wish to find happiness but I have to have some respect for myself as well and to continue to be friends with her after she moves on with someone else would make me a doormat.
I told her that most guys when they found out she was interested in someone else, or even when we just split up, would just say "whatever, there are more fish in the sea", but "I'm sticking this out as far as I have because I care about you (my SO), her (our daughter), myself, and us (our relationship).
I then said, that I wasn’t threatening her I was just stating my intentions and that she should keep that in mind as she makes her decisions.
She then asked if I hadn’t heard of people who get divorced with kids who remain friends afterwards. She said, "It’s pretty common around here." I guess that was her attempt at telling me she wasn’t happy with my boundary.
It still doesn’t mean she won’t cross it though.
She ended up telling me again that she's not making promises to anyone and she's now living her life under the idea that "whatever happens, happens", and if something happens between her and I it happens. (and I assume she also meant if something happens between her and OM it happens too I guess).
I told her that that might be how she's living her life with everything else but it didn’t seem to be how things were between her and I, as she continues to hesitate or pull back when it looks like we're headed in the right direction. She responded something about that’s because I keep pushing her.
She was late for work, told out daughter bye, and left...no waves or anything to me.
