Is it reasonable to say that your job is structured and demanding without much wiggle room? I make the assumption based on your description of it being a high profile military job.
I understand leading a busy life especially with both spouses having a demanding career and having children. Must be tough! Have you ever considered not being so structured at home? I know with children certain things have to be structured (school, lessons, bed time and such) but you seem to stress about things that really are not that important in the grand scheme of things.
I like to plan too but in a way it seems to be adding to your control issues. Just something to think about.
