Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

@Cutter - who knows? I certainly have a picture in my head of what I want it to look like, but I have to start taking steps to make it happen.

@Rocked - I don't deserve your kind words but I thank you for them. Well, it's been nine months of piecing and I am still actively struggling with it, it's just not on a daily basis anymore. So I definitely think you're on the right path. I think my biggest issue is that I didn't see us working past this until late October, more than six months into piecing. Maybe that's not long in the grand scheme of things but it certainly felt like it. And even now I'm not entirely sure we will end up together, but the scales are tipped slightly in that direction.

Honestly I feel bad about how I feel. Things have been going so well between BF and me lately. We're having fun and really being a couple. But I still have doubts and it hurts me to think that one day I could end the R and really hurt BF. But as the IC said, we all hurt people in our lives because we're human. Just don't go out of your way to intentionally hurt someone.

I found out last weekend that BF has something planned for Presidents' weekend. This is a 180 for him as he hardly ever plans surprises for me and in years past has always said the week before the holiday, [i]Oh, it's a holiday weekend. Let's go to X,i] and then was shocked that everything is booked up and has been for months.

While I'm delighted at the surprise, yesterday I started worrying that he might have set up a new email account to make the plans so I wouldn't see what they are. I talked to him about it last night, said I wouldn't check his email accounts for details but I still need to have access and I wanted to know if he set up another account for this purpose. He said no, no new email. If I really wanted to find out what we're doing I can just look because it's all there for me to see and he isn't going to change his passwords. But that would ruin the surprise.