OK so see GW? You have to do what works.... think about how she was last night... more relaxed, friendly etc. think about how you acted last night... no pressure.
As MWD says.. be a "solution detective". do more of what works. Right now, that is what works for her.
So, the idea of the hotel already came up. I agree with Rabbit, let it go for a few days. See if she brings it up. If she does, be honest and say you would really like that then ask how she would feel. then respect her feelings either way. If she doesn't bring it up, you will have to do it anyway but be casual about it. I agree also with Rabbit not to make too big a deal of it. Make it nice, friendly, relaxed but not with huge expectations for romance that she may not feel right now.
Lost/Rocked - hope you are still around to answer me. I hear ya, and I see you what you mean and I follow. HOWEVER, I have to get a sitter for the kids. There is a big difference between a teenager for a few hours and someone that can and is willing to take them for the night. I think I need to start working that now. Or...thoughts?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I understand you have logistical matters to address (sitter for the children). Honestly, I feel pressured and smothered reading your posts. They sound *so* urgent. The job thing I get but the hotel issue is not urgent.
I would get the sitter for the evening and not an overnight. If your W mentions it further let her know you opted not to book a hotel room as you felt the additional pressure would be straining BUT that doesn't mean you can't have a nice at home (or something along those lines).
I know it is hard but you are trying so hard to gain control and that will never work.
And thanks for the advice on friendly, relaxed and casual as how to bring it up.
Do more of what works - well put. The interesting part is I stayed away from mysterious last night. I opted not to go for a walk because I didn't feel like it...even though I toyed with it in my brain because the night prior it had brought about so much intrigue in her. Instead, I stayed in the house, grabbed my laptop and sat in another room on the same floor. She called me in to ask questions or look at something at least 3 or 4 times.
Now tonight could be different story. Probably retreat to the basement...and if so, maybe then I go back to mysterious and take a walk or a drive...will see.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
CityGirl - thank you. I needed the reality check. I often can get focused on the logisitcs. We lead busy lives so whenever I have a chance to get things established/figured out ahead of time, I can focus on that too much. I will let this one go. I will lock in a sitter for just a few hours, and I will wait a little longer to ask about the hotel and then scramble to change things if necessary.
A nice evening at home is rarely successful these days with us. Too many distrations and it doesn't work out to be a peaceful evening together. But that doesn't mean I can't try again if she is not receptive to the hotel.
Will continue to monitor things.
Thanks again.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Good plan for tonight GW. Keep watching what works and do that. When you notice something doesn't work, don't do it anymore.
I agree with CG. You can have a nice, fun, relaxing evening without the pressure of the overnight. If you have a sitter at home, you can even prolong the evening if it is going well, but then you also have the option of just heading home if it isn't.
Make sure you put extra care into your appearance for that evening... more new clothes? Wear the cologne. While you are at this event, be engagin and charming with other people. Smile a lot.. be cool, confident.... that is sexy to most women.
Rocked - unfortunately, it is a military uniform kind of event for both of us...so not really an option on the clothes
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Is it reasonable to say that your job is structured and demanding without much wiggle room? I make the assumption based on your description of it being a high profile military job.
I understand leading a busy life especially with both spouses having a demanding career and having children. Must be tough! Have you ever considered not being so structured at home? I know with children certain things have to be structured (school, lessons, bed time and such) but you seem to stress about things that really are not that important in the grand scheme of things.
I like to plan too but in a way it seems to be adding to your control issues. Just something to think about.
Thanks - need to think about that. I've never really looked at it from that angle before. My "structure" at home has gotten much worse since I carry the burden of almost everything these days. I've learned to do it all by having the structure, but maybe that is driving controlling behavior which I do not want.
Which reminds me of another classic kid line last night: D8 says to mom "your home early", W says "not really that early" and D8 says "yes it is you made it home before dinner"
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Well, if you feel you are carrying the entire burden of the household duties and the children it is time to put in place some boundaries with your W.
You could tell your W that while you understand there are issues between the two of you that may or may not be rectified you have decided as long as both of you are living in the house together it is time to re-establish household and childcare responsibilities. If she is not doing her share and you don't set a boundary it will continue.
