Going home to your W and children is not an available option for you at this time. Kevin, you need to see your counselor today. Your patterns are very obvious. You have spent a bit of time with your W and children recently and your W was friendly towards you. You got your expectations up all for nothing. Now you are backsliding and falling down the hole AGAIN.
There is nothing more any of us can do until you decide to get the help you need. I am no expert at anything but your patterns are very, very clear to me, a mere stranger on a message board.
