Just scared of what comes next!

[kissak]

Hi...I have been over on the MLC forum for 3 years now and I think its time I move over to this forum.

My H has been back and forth many times over the last 3 years and with only 1 OW really. THey broke it off over a year ago and she has since gotten remarried and divorced AGAIN! and Is currently engaged once again.....so I think she is finally out of our lives....she will hardly talk to my H in passing. What a long separation this has been for us.

Back over the summer my H and I started talking more and just working on being good parents and friends. In October he told me he was thinking about coming home. I told him that I wanted to wait until after the holidays to make that decision to let him.

Well, its past the holidays now, and he has been spending the weekends with me and the kids and some week nights. Last night he wanted some clarity and wanted to know where my thoughts were with things.

I told him that I wanted him home. BUT I werent ready yet. I am scared. I have all my walls up and I am afraid of it not working and having to go through all of this again. Generally in the past he would come back for 2 weeks then want "out" again...then run to the OW. This went on so many times I lost count over 2 years.

We both have walls up...we are both afraid to take the next step. He wants to come home....finally I am seeing changes in him I havent seen in 3 years. He is depressed, but is managing it much better now. I can really see that he is doing better with it.

Im just scared and really dont know what to tell him other than that. I have a problem opening up to him now...but I want to! I soo want my H back and now I have him if I want him, but I really am not sure how to go or where to go from here.

He is has been in counseling for the last year and it has helped him alot! His therapist wants him to go back on medication to help him with his depression.

Any advice? Thanks!