If I really think about it what stings is how mean he was to me for so long. And yes, I tolerated it for a long time and that was my grave error. All it did was spin my lupus out of control and create an anxiety disorder.
It's not so much that he is staying with OW as I totally expected that. My H cannot be alone and there is no way he could put aside and even show his face at work if they broke up (the work together). His family thinks they only recently started dating and he told all our friends that our split was a joint decision. I guess what upsets me is so much of his cruelty stemmed from his inability to examine himself.
I know all I can do is learn from this and I have. I guess I do feel bad in a way that I had to suffer financial ruin, a horrid court battle and illness all for my H to realize NOW that it wasn't all me. All the while my H was having the time of his life, partying it up and using our money to do so. Its sort of upsetting in a new way.
My H told me he can't even process the amount of damage he has done and how much he hurt me and how awful he was to me yet I still am compassionate and "good".
