I have kept my emotions under control since last nights discovery of the A. H and OW still have no idea that I know. I’m still devastated;....
....I’m not sure how to expose my findings with H. I will see him tonight, and have been thinking about how to bring it up. I know I can’t control the whole conversation, but I do have some ideas of what I want to say. I plan on saying something like this. “So what did you do last night?” He’ll lie of course, my response will be, “You didn’t go work-out at the recreation center”, this is where I seen them in the parking lot. Not sure what his response will be, but I plan on saying “It looked like you were getting a good work-out in your truck with her”. Then sometime during this conversation I plan on telling him to tell the OW she has 48 hours to confess to her husband or I’m telling him.
I desperately need advice on if what I want to say is ok. Please anyone 2x4’s or anything else.
I haven't fully read your thread of posts, but I wanted to share a few words with you based on the little that I have read.
I have no experience with a spouse and an affair, so I can't really offer any survingin an affair based advice, but my heart goes out to you. I am also a man and so my perspectives on life may be different from yours in some ways.
You are rightfully feeling betrayed and angry. However, one thing that I have learned in life is that acting while in a state of anger often brings me greater pain in the long run. That is the basis of my experience based advice to you that echo's some of the others comments.
My advice is to find a place where you can be alone, even if it is only in your car and there do some primal scream therapy. Let your anger out, scream, cry.... do whatever it takes to release some of the rightful rage you have within you. Then after you have let your emotions out, do some calming therapy and some positive self-affirmations.
If I were you, I would run out to a Barnes and Nobel bookstore and get a CD/DVD audio book on stress relief or on self-image improvement. I would particularly look for one on how to be emotionally happy. (I purchased three of them last Friday in the self-help section of the audio books area and they have brought me a greater sense of happiness and well-being.) Then I would buy the audio book(s) and get in my car and drive to a "different park" or my garage. I would turn the car off and scream my lungs out, cry and then put the CD into the car radio/CD player and repeat the affirmations and listen to the soothing words.
Exercise in the form of a long walk or a long gym workout would also be a good thing to do, today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, etc. Real vigorous exercise is a great way to deal with stress and you have real stress that is bottled up.
Then once you are calm I would go to meet your H. If you are not calm and feel the need to confront him tonight, I would cancel the meeting by saying that all of a sudden you don't feel well enought to meet him (which is probably true.) If you go and meet with your H and find yourself getting read to confront him, I would say I was suddenly feeling ill and needed to immediately leave before you do your confrontation. If he asks why just tell him that you are going to be sick and if you stay much longer you will embarris yourself. Again, in my 60+ years of experience (and I would bet your years of experience also) are that verbal confrontation with others while one is extremely angry often leads to words you will later regret and actions that do more harm than good.
You have more than just yourself to think about, you need to also act in a way that does not increase the harm to your son and daughter.
Good luck to you and I am sorry that you have been betrayed. The advice of others on this thread is good.
I feel from reading your lastest post that at this point you want someone to tell you what you want to hear (which is to go out an confront the SOB), as opposed to what you should do.
Again, good luck to you. Work on greaving, getting a life, and protecting you and your children.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
