I got a very long e-mail from my H on Sunday morning. He told me he was sorry I felt disrespected and that he held me to a different standard than he holds himself.
He told me that many of the problems we had are now happening with his current relationship and for the first time he is realizing it was not all me. He said he now sees it was much easier to blame me for it all but seeing how I have been removed from his life for 2 years and the same problems are resurfacing he knows he has issues. He stated he know sees how arrogant he can be. How poor his communication skills are. How he assumes and jumps to conclusions when he doesn't like how things are and how easily he shuts people out and dismisses them when he doesn't get his way.
He stated he knows it is up to him to work on these issues. He says he did go to counseling last Jan. three times but he was so consumed with guilt that is all they worked on and he still blamed everything on me.
He said it was hard for him to admit this to me but he was jealous of all the work I had done on myself and how far ahead I was of him in that area. He said he knows he treated me terribly and he has been trying to do small things to earn my trust and respect back. Lastly, he said while he realizes all of this he will stay in his current relationship and try and work on his issues and he hopes I understand.
He also told me his attny got the letter my attny sent him (re: completing the rest of the Agreement) and my H told me his attny is "not going to do anything about it". Not sure what that means exactly.
I did write my H back and told him this must stop. I told him while I understand being jealous it is very hard to grasp how he could be jealous of me working on me when he was more than welcome to join me in "the work" and he declined for 2 years. I told him I will no longer listen to one word about his relationship. I told him this back and forth is equal to emotional terrorism and I will not longer participate and if he cannot respect that boundary any further communication between us (RE: the Agreement) will have to be done via the US Mail.
I also told him realizing and working on your own issues is a long and slow process however I would not serve as his emotional sounding board or support system given the circumstances.
So, DB'ing friends this is the moment most of us wait for. The moment where the WAS who has been deeply vested in another R for a very long time realizes it was not *all* the LBS. I never believed it but I guess it is true, patterns do repeat themselves unless internal work is done.
As I have said all along I am not at all surprised he is staying with OW.
So, my DB journey ends here with my H. I will continue to work on me and build my new life. I am struggling a bit as I remember how terribly, terribly cruel my H was for the past two years only to realize now, it wasn't all me. I will survive, I always do but I can't say it doesn't sting.
