Sweetheart, I don't want to do this, but I need to... So, you know how my Achilles tendon is all messed up, because I refused to slow down, and deal with my chitt. Now, I'm reduced to hobbling around my apartment, and venture to the mailbox for my daily excitement. If I'm feeling really lucky, I drive to a Dr. appt, or the grocery store. (Great meds) I let other people drive me around if I'm on meds, by the way. I've missed almost a month of work (and the $ to go along with it) I WASN'T LISTENING TO MY BODY. Listen to your body, honey, what is it telling you? love, Goldey
It does make it harder to deal objectively when they are around every day. Mine is as well - I see her way too much and it has been part of the reason why I was having difficulty detaching, despite everything she did to me - I think it made it take twice as long actually.
For some, it's much easier to rock the boat a bit and put the firm guidelines in place that need to be. For others (like me) it takes forever before we are willing to do what is necessary. However once we do it, we feel a whole lot better (go figure).
BBJ, listen to your body, your mind and your heart.
Your body needs you to figure out what you did to it and you need to let yourself heal from whatever injury you have. Working out feels so damn good when we're going through this, it's easy to push it. I did too. Just know when to pull back.
Listen to your mind. It knows what you should/shouldn't be doing. You know it deep inside of you. It's scary to admit it to yourself, to make the changes necessary, to leap forward. But trust me, when you do listen to yourself, you'll be making a BIG leap forward. BIG.
Listen to your heart. It hurts, it wants out. It can't take anymore and it's hurting the rest of you. Your headaches, your ills, your angst -- it's coming from your heart. Take care of it. Baby it. Love it.
Don't listen to your fear, your pride, your vision of what adulthood would be. Your body, your mind and your heart will always be with you, they will always be there for you. Honor them and nurture them. They are stronger than your fear or your pride. You are stronger than your fear or your pride.
It's time for that leap darlin'.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
You know me well enough to know I don't swing the 2x4 very often... but I think you had better duck!
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Those are all things I need to do, and they are things I needed to do 2+ years ago, if not 7 years ago when he first had an affair!
You still need to do those things! The fact that you would have been well served to do them earlier doesn't make them any less valid! I hope you are not saying that because you let him get away with disrespecting you, and treating you this way for years, you should continue to allow it! Because if that's what you are saying, I may just have to buy a down coat and head for Iowa! And I'll be looking for something a bit heftier than a 2x4!
Sorry you hurt yourself! Try to let it heal... Don't get yourself hurt worse trying to push it!
You are just going to have to give your tummy a rest for a while. I am doing the same with my left shoulder as I have been throwing too many "Joe Frazier style" left hooks with it. There are a lots and lots of exercises you can do that dont involve the abdomen.
I have been told this is not good. But I figure if my body is letting me sleep, I must need it. I mean, I am not depressed, so screw it. I sleep.
If your body hurts, you need to take care of the machine...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I hope you have stopped the "Boot Camp". Your body didn't like it, and it is telling you so in very plain language. Listen to it. Those exercises don't sound like they were developed for women's bodies. Especially the idea of using a chair to create the incline. One size does not fit all. That might be fine for a 6' man, but not fine for you.
Here's a title of a Country and Western song that made me think of Dan:
"I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here". If it doesn't hurt too much, laugh. It's a joke.
Yep that made me laugh, and it did hurt a little. But not as much as sneezing does!
Jeff, you are close but not quite there. I do acknowledge I should have gone thermonuclear back then. I don't think it means I don't have a right to be angry now, but it just feels weird.
Like I waited so long it seems strange to just let it all out now. But, what else can I do? This pent-up frustration is occupying my mind more all the time. I don't get a whole lot done at work, at home I am better b/c I pick a specific job (organize files, organize the kitchen) and I throw myself into it so I don't think about anything else...
I don't know that you need to blow up! But you can be firm. Set the boundaries for real.
Something like:
"Dan, when you have the kids, you need to show up at x:xx, and take them with you. Your visitation is not going to happen in my house. When it's time, you bring them back, get them in the door, and leave. You don't live here any more, and it isn't good for me or the kids for you to spend time here."
Stop engaging in his pity parties. "Dan, you brought this on yourself. If you need to talk about it, go hire a C. Goodbye!"
Etc., etc.
If you feel the need to get more anger out directly, you could mention OWs and all that crap, but I think you'd be better served to just set very firm boundaries. If you want to yell, though, I think your C would listen!
