Still Wondering How To Handle Things!!

[kissak]

Well, last night me and my H had the R talk. He brought it up. His therapist had been on him for a month to do so. I dont know why I clam up when he wants to talk about things. His therapist said we both have our walls up and thats one reason we dont feel able to talk freely about "us".

He wanted clarity on things. He said he wanted to know what i had been thinking. Thats hard for me, because I dont think like he does....I mean, the only thing that had been on my mind lately is that when he kisses me, its only on the cheek....now, Ive learned to not let things bother me and I was hoping this would pass...but I had let it affect me in several ways...one was bringing back thoughts of him before he first left me 3 years ago...he had gotten like that, not wanting to kiss me and all. BUT I did finally talk to him about it. He also said something that bothered him is that I never tell him I miss him....well, that is something I have learned here I believe. Im not sure keeping all my feelings about him to myself was good.

He does want to move home. I told him I want him to move home. BUT that Im not quite ready for that yet. Im scared, nervous and everything thing else that goes with it! He understood and could tell that Im not ready for that yet.

I have noticed LOTS of changes in him over just the last month. Good changes I think...but we have go to learn to let our walls down.

He is of course still concerned about "love" and being "in love". He isnt sure what the difference is. He doesnt tell me he loves me, although I know he does because he will tell me when I say I love him...but we never say it, just when talking about it.

I did tell him last night that I do miss him when he isnt there. But since he seems to be there alot, its hard to miss him

I really need to learn to open up, but when he wants to talk, my mind goes blank....I feel like Im stupid when it comes to that...I just cant figure out what to say. Why is that???

BUt things seem to be on a good road for now. Im just really scared to take the next step of him moving back in. Im sure you all understand why.

We also need to talk to the kids about things because they are confused too. They see their dad there all the time lately, and us getting along so well....man, this piecing is hard!