I dont know why exactly I am picturing such a dark side of what is happening but maybe my posts reflect my true take on things...
I just confirmed with H he wants to go to the MC again and I called to make an apt. She told me the following on the phone : Maria, you need to do separate IC, both of you. You were both cordial, polite and caring at our session but I want you to make me a favor: stop RESCUING him. I dont know where this patterns comes from, probably his family as he said himself, but your H hasnt grown up yet. He needs you for his security blanket, the OW was probably just like you and was doing what you were doing for years:rescuing him. He finally needs to man up. He just cant let things evolve in his absence anymore. His work allows him just that, to be absent.
So, stop scheduling our apts, stop giving him solutions when you are here at the session and focus on you. Unless he grows up, your R can not blossom, develop, overcome the crisis.
I told her,I am tired of rescuing him.She said he was probably covering my controlling needs and now that I dont want to control him anymore (not as much) there is a gap bewteen us that he needs to fill.
I think this is it. I've been saying it for years, she said it after a session. I will stop rescuing him and take initiatives while I will progress with my life. I will also adress these issues at the session on Friday.
As Schnarch says, during crisis, couples, make steps forward/progress or if the deny to...,stay unhappy and eventually have a fall out. K
