Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

This Saturday night we have a social function at a nice hotel, many other couples just get a room for the night...I know I have at least two people that would watch the girls overnight...but I just don't think she is going to be ready for that.

She got the note I sent her stating some friends of ours arranged for us all to sit together at the evening social function and that they were going to get a room and spend the night at the hotel. She bit...she replied, "OK. Are you asking to get a room?"

Got to figure out how to respond to that one...wasn't planning on that kind of pressure just yet, didn't think she'd respond, especially not like that. Normally, something like that would have gotten no response from W at all...

[Deep]

GW: You really get the point? I'm not going to assume I can mind read Sandi, but er why the HECK are you not only being a pair of (whatever) shoes, but happily BEING that pair of shoes and thinking gee, "I wish I could be a better pair of shoes so she'll take me dancing".

There's something terribly wrong with that picture, or maybe it's just me.

If you were that killer lil black dress that any woman would LOVE to wear out partying, that in fact, another woman could very well be wearing out partying, you think maybe W might look at you a little differently?

If you stay being that old pair of "shoes that could", you best be prepared to spend a lot of time in the bottom of the closet, alone. Because W would wanna dance really, and when her toes start to hurt, she might dig you out and actually let you help her feel safe and comfy.

You're hitting a rocky part of the road where the decisions aren't always easy - keeping W engaged while maintaining your DB position. Rocked said the same thing in a different way. WAS need to be forced out of the comfort zone and take a stand, and crises precipitates this.

Edit: Big plus if she woud agree to go to Retro, and do so with an open mind. I have huge respect for how it helps couples try to mend their Ms. Wouldn't be here without that program myself ...

[gutwrenching]

Well maybe I don't get the point...Sandi's or hers. I'm confused now. Really I am.

[Lotus]

I think she is saying don't be the boring ol' hubby who takes the kids to movies and fires up the barbecue. Be a sexy guy. Take her to the hotel, have a bottle of champagne in the room, make it a nice weekend to remember, etc. You wife wants someone to sweep her off her feet. You want to be the guy who does it.

What were you like when she dated you? Probably not all serious talk about your future. People want to have dreams. You can spin the dream of life in Hawaii. Forget the financial hit, it's not a choice anyway. Spin the dream of sunsets on the beach, nature walks near the volcanos, warm weather year-round. Dreams. That's what we lose in everyday life.

[gutwrenching]

Thanks Lotus. I was close to getting her point and I realize now how I what I posted sounded pathetic. Still going to wait till tomorrow, there is pressure for her in agreeing to a night at a hotel...we've had enough of that lately. Tonight has been peaceful. She has been very friendly, came home a little earlier than usual, did not seem to get upset tonight when she asked the girls what they wanted to do after dinner and they said they wanted to play one of their favorite rough house games with dad. In fact, I am so calm and at peace that i didn't leave the house like I had planned...didn't go for a walk and didn't go for a drive. Why, just because I didn't feel like it.

W also is looking at ski resort accommodations for the entire family for a 3-day trip next month. She has been sharing with me what she has found and likes.

[Lost Rabbit]

Just keep taking it steady I think she is nibbling but one quick jump and you will scare her off. Good she was looking at hols though! Also definitely bet she wants a bit of sweeping off her feet. Mr Rabbit certainly enjoys being thought as of my lover and not my provider is that makes sense. I dont think your a pair of old shoes, I think your a pair of new shoes she is scared to put on incase you pinch lol! Just keep breathing mate, you can do slowly slowly and gently but make it look as inviting as you can. So good to hear you feel good in your own skin now that confidence believe me will be noticed. Keep at it (())

[sandi2]

But i'd love to be those dancing shoes, or maybe a nice pair of stilettos! rob

Exactly, b/c you know why she picks those for dancing, right? And, I can tell you something else. She has more respect for those stilettos than her houseshoes. Her houseshoes my get kicked under the bed or thrown in the closet, and maybe even get mixed in the landary at times, but I bet she won't do her stilettos that way! Okay, so she may not wear stilettos ever day, but she only wears her houseshoes when she wants comfort......and she doesn't wear them out in public. Something to think about.

[sandi2]

GW, when I met the man who would later become my H, I felt so special when I was with him. I always (I think) acted my best b/c I felt my best. He brought that out in me. I felt pretty and probably was at my prettiest stage b/c that all works from the heart outward. He made me feel pretty! I'm sure I looked at him with stars in my eyes and I can assure you that he had my respect and I never took him for granted. I saw him as being a treasure, and he also made me feel valuable. So, it was all about how he made me feel the very best that I could possibly be. And, of course, my admiration toward him. It works both ways.

If you've paid much attention to how women talk about fashion, you've noticed that they usually compare it to their feelings and how that piece of fashion makes them look & feel. If she feels that the dress or shoes makes her look thinner, taller, younger, prettier, etc., then there is a good chance she is going to get it. She may clean the house in a worn out pair of jeans and a sloppy shirt and tennis shoes.......but they don't make her feel fantastic. They are just practical for the job at hand.

Don't get confused more with some of these silly little things I write. Don't misunderstand what I am saying about being practical and comfortable. I am not suggesting that a H not be responsible and dependable, nor am I saying that he is not one to feel comfortable around. I was just trying to get you to see something else. I know we females can be very complex creatures to you men.

[gutwrenching]

Thanks a ton Sandi. Understand, appreciate it. Now though, am I pushing too much on a still WAW asking for a night at a hotel this weekend? She was in a really good mood last night and again this morning. Smiles, friendly, little things like she was the one that said goodbye to me this morning not the other way around...not the norm. This morning's workout is her favorite of the program we have started, so that helped too.

There was zero pressure last night, there was no R or M or moving talk at all. But there is nothing that would make me believe that she would agree to a hotel yet. This morning she apologized becuase the elbow of her arm was on top of mine in the bed. I said don't apologize, if I minded I would have moved my arm.

Don't want to push her away, am ready to try to sweep off her feet if she will open up a little.

[Lost Rabbit]

There still a few more days till you need to book a room see how it goes, you then could ask how does she feel about booking the room tell her youd like to but dont want to pressure her, could she let you know, allow time for her to think.. Keep sweeping her off her feet as plan B, I do think the whole flowers, chocolates and you know what will be too much. Perhaps a nice card and a single rose but not a red one, maybe a pretty pink or her fav colour. Its difficult but you need to find romance but not pressure, you know her better than us so get your thinking cap on just incase you get the opportunity!