Not sure if this qualifies as piecing or not...

[Butterfly1]

Hey those are great babysteps - keep up the positive! You've got more than me lol. Keep it up, we're rooting for ya.

[Kalni]

Borrowing from Hope4luv's thread, our baby steps:
* Started MC two ONE week ago
* H seems to be a little more comfortable at home, maybe TOO comfortable at times
* H engages in conversation, wants to spend time with me (even if it's just watching TV on the couch together)
* H is willing to do vaguely date-like things; go to a movie, go out to lunch, dinner, etc. and actually makes the necessary arrangement some times
* Gives minimal physical affection -- hugs, kisses, etc.
* I've been better about communicating with him about things -- my day, running errands, etc.
* He's engaging more with other friends and wants me to spend time with his friends.
*Has no issues talking about the future, plans, projects etc, something I avoid doing

So that is my list of positives as well with minor changes...
My list of things I want? Will have to translate one. Will do later.
K

[TrentC]

So my world has been completely rocked today.

When my wife had her surgery, she was told that she had a fibroid tumor on her uterus but that it was going to be tricky to remove.

She had an MRI the other day, and the results are far worse than we imagined. She has andometriosis, an unusual form of endometriosis, and she will never be able to carry a pregnancy to term and will likely have to have a hysterectomy.

With all of the stress of her job, and with us, and the fact that she is starting her period, she is an emotional basket case right now. She blames both of us for waiting too long to get serious about having children, and now that is no longer an option. She says she's done; I have asked her not to make any permanent decisions right now, in her emotional state.

I do not know where things are going right now. I have asked her -- begged her, really -- to go see someone about depression. I think I've talked her out of making a final decision right now, but she is hurt and angry and depressed.

I laid it out for her; it may be pursuing to the max, but I don't care at this point.

I told her that I love her, and that I made a choice to be with her in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. She tried to tell me that I deserve to be with someone who can give me a child, and I told her that is not an option for me right now. She can make her own choices for herself, but don't presume to make decisions for me.

And now I feel like I can finally go back to sleep; my eyelids are drooping. More on this later.

[TrentC]

I am convinced more then ever that she is depressed.

She told me that she can see herself being alone for the rest of her life. She says she wants to get away from "all of this" but she can't tell me exactly what that is.

I've got a call into my IC; I want to find out what my options are for trying to get her help, especially if I'm afraid she may be willing to harm herself -- something I could never imagine until now.

[smith18]

Trent -

I am so very sorry you have this terrible turn of bad luck.

It sure does sound like severe depression and I believe you are doing the right thing in seeking some advice from your IC. However, bear in mind that you really can only help a person if they want help. Be careful about pushing her too much.

There is always hope. After reading SirPrizeMe's thread last week, I thought he was not going to pull himself out of rock bottom, but his post on his thread last night shows that a person in deep depression can indeed turn the corner even when it previously appeared they did not care any more.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1919547&page=1

Have faith and patience. Time is your friend.

[mindfull]

Trent,

I am so sorry for this turn of events. Gosh, I think an IC, combined w/MD diagnosis/prescription of the right meds are your best bet.

There are many ways to become parents.

We're prayin'!

[goldeylox]

Trent, all I've got are hugs, and prayers. For both of you.
Good on the IC, and your unwavering commitment to your M.
As so many have reminded me recently, you have to put on your own mask before you can help another.
And the other people have to want the help.
With God, all things are possible.
Peace. Goldey

[TrentC]

There are many ways to become parents.

I can't even wrap my mind around that right now. I've walled that off so I can keep from losing it completely.

It sure does sound like severe depression and I believe you are doing the right thing in seeking some advice from your IC. However, bear in mind that you really can only help a person if they want help. Be careful about pushing her too much.

I understand that; at the same time, I'm looking at the very real possibility that my marriage is over, regardless of what I do.

My biggest fear for her is that she will continue to succumb to depression, and maybe even try to harm herself. I would never have believed it, but the depth of pain and misery she showed me makes me think anything is possible for her. She has no real hope for her future right now.

I'm not convinced enough that I am willing to call emergency services right now, but I will be keeping a close eye on her for the next few days. If she will let me.

[rockedworld]

Trent,
I am praying for you too.
I think you laying it out for her was the right thing to do, whether it is DBing by the book or not. I agree with the others that this sounds like severe depression, and that is not time for pussyfooting around things. If she will let you, she needs help. What support system do you have right now? This is going to be very stressful for you. you need people around you to help you help her. You can't do this alone.
Take care!

[Lost Rabbit]

Just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers too! She is in shock at the moment and by all accounts depressed. Having been in the situation where although we have a son we were told no more I can totally understand the thoughts going through her mind.. you feel 100% less of a person because you cannot produce a child, every thing you had planned in your mind for the future all goes pearshaped and you cant see through it, I would presume I was probably depressed too I certainly didnt handle it that well. Totally agree with you at the moment she needs you so just go with the flow till she gets her head round it and hopefully will allow you to advise some help!