The C on Firday told me that unless I deal with my anger, it will not go away and will poison ME. I dont want that to happen and I am sure you dont either. So, next time Dan pulls this pathetic trick on you, give him what he deserves. Dont hold back, just do it. What are you afraid of? That you wil push him away?
Bbj, when I read that "you didnt support me" BS, I wonder if he means his cheating. Honestly... K
Ummm....if you don't want a relationship with a woman, or want to rely on or lean on anyone, then why do you always wind up sharing things with me when you feel your lowest????
Hey...
duck...
2x4
why do you care??
I see Dan is still up to his stalling tactics..
Michele has a dog...a wiener dog...it spins round and round chasing its tail..I wonder if it ever gets tired of that??
Sara, I don't know why I never really let him have it...K I agree my anger hurts me more than him bc I don't let him see/feel it, almost ever!
Mike and Sandy, those are well deserved 2 x 4s. I thought of you yesterday, Mike. I thought, "If Kim pulled that texting crap on Mike, he would not give a sh!t, that is her problem, not his to deal with"...so I know practically/logically, just have to work on carrying it out.
Oh, can't wait for the counselor this afternoon!
In unrelated news, I tore something at boot camp yesterday. My abs were already tender from the work we have been doing. Tons of pushup, plank, pilates-type moves that work the abs.
Anyway we got into push-up position with one hand up on a step and one on the floor and I could feel the pull so I held back. Well a few minutes later it was pushups with feet up on a folding chair to create an incline...as soon as I tried to assume the position I felt the most painful stabbing/tearing feeling! I stopped, then tried to get in position again but it hurt too badly.
Now it hurts just sitting up from lying down, is almost impossible to get into a plank position, etc etc. I tried icing my right abdominals last night but still really hurts this morning. What do I do now??
Hmmmm, I think this is an emergency that calls for....chocolate, naps, ice creams, cheesecakes, souvlakia, Mexican and maybe a coupe of margaritas... K
If you tore something, you need REST so that it can heal.
Mike and Sandy, those are well deserved 2 x 4s. I thought of you yesterday, Mike. I thought, "If Kim pulled that texting crap on Mike, he would not give a sh!t, that is her problem, not his to deal with"...so I know practically/logically, just have to work on carrying it out.
BBJ I'm gonna be honest with you..I am sincere...I can look at Kim and see that she now sees that she screwed up...I know her and i can see it on her face.....I also know that no matter what happened that us getting a D was the best thing that could ever have happened to me...she is and always will be controlled by her mother...she is a weak person as far as relationships go...
we do not text unless it is about Caleigh, we do not talk unless it is about Caleigh...I have no desire to know anything about Kim's life...
<<then why do you always wind up sharing things with me when you feel your lowest????>>
because he can....simple as that....you give him the opportunity to...you make yourself available. You guys are in contact way more than you should be....i guess the no contact rule from that book i suggested is not working. We all read books or get counselling and we tend to pick and choose what we are most comfortable with...for instance, one of the things your counsellor said last week (and i am paraphrasing) is that you should put off the divorce talk. Why? because she wants you to avoid contact. That sounded good to you...why because you do not want a divorce...not becasue you do not want contact. So in one week you have elevated your discussions as you so aptly describe on these last few posts. You guys are texting or talking about some very personal issues.....his issues....i am not sure your C will be very happy. No contact BBJ is the way to go....you need to distance yourself form him...he is poisoning you on a regular basis. I am sorry you allow it to happen over and over again....
You need to figure out a way in your mind and heart to let him go. True he isn't good for you and neither are these recent interactions. You obviously love him enough to stay but you have to find a way to love YOURSELF enough to let it all go.
It isn't your problem anymore. You don't want to be stuck, so don't be.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
<<then why do you always wind up sharing things with me when you feel your lowest????>>
because he can....simple as that....you give him the opportunity to...you make yourself available. You guys are in contact way more than you should be....i guess the no contact rule from that book i suggested is not working. We all read books or get counselling and we tend to pick and choose what we are most comfortable with...for instance, one of the things your counsellor said last week (and i am paraphrasing) is that you should put off the divorce talk. Why? because she wants you to avoid contact. That sounded good to you...why because you do not want a divorce...not becasue you do not want contact. So in one week you have elevated your discussions as you so aptly describe on these last few posts. You guys are texting or talking about some very personal issues.....his issues....i am not sure your C will be very happy. No contact BBJ is the way to go....you need to distance yourself form him...he is poisoning you on a regular basis. I am sorry you allow it to happen over and over again....
Quote:
a wiener dog...it spins round and round chasing its tail..I wonder if it ever gets tired of that??
everything remains the same...no boundaries..Dan has it made...he comes and goes as he wishes...
Establish his vistation with your kids out of your house....he comes and gets them then they leave....
Every one of you is right...I know it. I do. And the only person in this equation who can change things, is me. He won't bc obv he is comfortable the way things are. Even though he complains and says he is miserable, if he were that miserable he would take actions to change.
And that applies to me, too.
Honestly?
Part of it just feels like shutting the barn door after the cow got out, so to speak.
All of a sudden I just go pitch dark. Don't reply to any texts or emails or calls except the kids.
I don't play into his games, I don't spend any time with him.
Those are all things I need to do, and they are things I needed to do 2+ years ago, if not 7 years ago when he first had an affair!
That doesn't seem like a random, out of nowhere course of action at this point?
Really, I am asking that question. Sad, isn't it?
Guess I need to embrace the words of George Eliot:
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
Ok going to use the words of a hard rockin' song as my new anthem: I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be ok, uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now
I know where you are coming from. My ex had an affair shortly after we got married. I was a flight attendant and gone a lot so I forgave him since he said he felt left behind somehow. Of course he promised he would never hurt me again. Well, we know how that turned out.
I tried to save my marriage for numerous reasons. Now looking back, I was "holding on" to something that wasn't even there anymore. I think if you look closely, you can say the same for you. It isn't easy especially when they are around all the time, my ex was around every day for over a year(very confusing). However when you make this about you and not them, it becomes a whole lot clearer.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sad, isn't it?