mb28 - Look up your state laws and guidelines - I have found that where I live does not even accept legal seperation. Not that my H and I are evn close to talking about the legal "stuff" yet.
You need to know what your rights are - how long does a seperation have to be, protect yourself and your children, etc. I just looked quickly on google for Utah - and it looks like if there is a no fault the seperation must be for 3 YEARS for NO FAULT-- WOW!! http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/utah.shtml
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
ok, I have confirmed the affair, and I know who the OW is.
This is the girl that I suspected and was checking all his emails and texts that started the fighting, and eventually led to him moving out almost 8 weeks ago
Now I need advice on how to confront H with the information I have found. They were doing it in his truck at a park, seen it with my own eyes. It was during her lunch from work. After he dropped her off back at work. He does not know that know yet. I also confirmed that she does have husband. PLEASE help.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Sorry you are not getting the answers you desire. The answer right this minute is to do nothing. In DB'ing it is best to wait until you really know what to do. Don't use emotion to drive your decision even though you want to. Have some patience. OK you know about the A. I guess you are surprised? WHY? Does this change what you want to happen? Go back and reread your own post and the responses with this knowledge. You have been getting good advice. You need to follow it. Have you been following it?
What do you want to happen? I am sure others with more experience in A will chime in. Wait for what they say to take action.
mb28, I am so sorry you had to see that for yourself. (((mb28))) You are obviously in control of yourself right now and I you keep yourself in check at the time. OldPilot is right, go back and read your own posts, sit down and think about what you want.
If the OW is married then this is going to be bad for her too upon discovery, personally I believe her husband has a right to know also. Upon discovery your H and OW will be in quite a mess. Your H will be dealing with an upset, betrayed H on the other side and most likely will end it. Who knows, I would get advice from a L, again you need to protect you and the kids first, then search your feelings about what you want to do. Can you forgive him and work on the M or not.
Stay here in this thread, you will get more responses than anywhere else.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I have kept my emotions under control since last nights discovery of the A. H and OW still have no idea that I know. I’m still devastated; however I do feel a sense of calm now that I have no doubts. I felt like I was going crazy with wondering if H was having an affair or not.
After H went home he texted me “Are you home”, I didn’t reply. Then he tried to call me, again I didn’t answer. Then he called our daughter and asked where I was. Of course I told my daughter I was going to a make-up party.
I’m not sure how to expose my findings with H. I will see him tonight, and have been thinking about how to bring it up. I know I can’t control the whole conversation, but I do have some ideas of what I want to say. I plan on saying something like this. “So what did you do last night?” He’ll lie of course, my response will be, “You didn’t go work-out at the recreation center”, this is where I seen them in the parking lot. Not sure what his response will be, but I plan on saying “It looked like you were getting a good work-out in your truck with her”. Then sometime during this conversation I plan on telling him to tell the OW she has 48 hours to confess to her husband or I’m telling him.
I desperately need advice on if what I want to say is ok. Please anyone 2x4’s or anything else.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Before you go with that please wait, I am not an expert in this field but someone will get here soon for you! So sorry for this, but now we know what we are dealing with.
I am for total exposure and I believe the H of OW has the right to know what is going on. Let's get a consise long term plan before we go out an wing it. Do not let your emotions take you over now, we are going to try to kill this thing and we need to make sure we do it right.
dburt is right. Say nothing yet. You are in control of things now, your H just doesn't know it yet. And that is okay.
I can't offer advise with busting an A. But go search for posts that Puppy Dog Tails makes. He is not on the boards much anymore. I am at work right now and don't have time to help in your search for his posts, but I can help out later tonight.
Again, until others weigh in, do not and I repeat do not say anything to your H.
Mo3
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
