Mixed Signals or is this Limbo Land

[mb28]

MHL,
I'm glad you had fun at the bar last night. I know exactly how you feel about your heart not being in it. That is what makes GAL so hard while we are going through this. I too went out to club last night and had fun, but not as much as I normally would of had going through this crisis. Either way, I think it still helps to add to that feeling that we will be ok no matter what happens with our M.

[MHL]

mb28,
How are you doing? I will slide over to your thread in a minute, I saw that you started here in separated, welcome.

Last night was fun, but I would rather go on a social date where there are no expectations for either party. But dating is not a priority right now, I am the priority. I want to further explore a job change with more money which will add some self security for me and the kids. I want to focus on my D13 and get her the help she needs to come to terms with what her Mom has done and is doing. I want to spend quality time with my son and make sure our connection is good before anything else happens with my sitch, whether it is reconciliation, the big D, and or dating on my part.

I am not trying to put too much on my plate as I tend to get overwhelmed but I now know I can handle much more than I ever thought possible. If I keep my W out of my mind, I can focus more energy on other things.

[dwinter82]

Keep it up, you are doing great!!

[MHL]

I am keeping my w off my mind until she sends me an email saying that she was sorry for being "weepy" on the phone yesterday. UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH, why do I love this woman that has done the things she has done to me and our family. All I want to do is reach out and hold her and comfort her but I can't, I have to stay the course.

Is this progress?, she is definitely softening. Is she moving into the depression stage of MLC? Will she stop replay? Can't think about it, gotta keep on, keeping on.

She paid for the renewel on our Costco membership, I almost fell out of my chair when the Costco lady came by the office to give me back a check I wrote to renew the membership. I was responding to the weekly email from my wife at the time and I did cut it short and sent it. Then I did pick up the phone and called her to finish what was going to be a long email about, kid exchange, soccer, school and other "neccessary" stuff.

I thanked her for the membership renewel, oh BTW, did I tell you she said in her email that she will pay me back for breakfast that we had together on Saturday. Is this a glimpse of my wife???? We talked about logistics for a little bit and conversation was getting long and she said we could talk tonight, I said wait until after S9 goes to bed.

Going in the journal, I have to reflect on this some more, TAKING ANY INPUT FOR CALL TONIGHT. Will jump back on later.

[Cie la vie]

Mhl,

Nice to hear you weekend was a good one.

I don't mind putting in a few hours on the weekend if I can get my exercise before hand. Plus getting out the house when the W is around is a relief.

Let her take whatever the f*%k she wants just get her out and get the sep. agreement done. I think we discussed this before, she wants to get out so bad and that gives you the upper hand, use it now. Don't get mired in arguments over pots and pans or TV's and furniture, (Well, maybe not the TV) but anything else take it. It really is an act-if I think.

I got this message a little while after the W and I had a conversation over what she wished to take. I started to get a little tic for tac and checked myself before I went to far down the road. I ended up letting her have most of what she wanted. So good advice from you father. I do get the 46" Samsung HD TV but I also get the monthly payment.

I hate to put it like this but it is kinda fun, I am feeling great and she sounds miserable. Hmmmmm....I recognize this but the roles were reversed???

Intresting development MHL. I will monitor this development with great interest.

[MHL]

She did not call me and I did not call her, so I guess we did not have that much to talk about after all. Almost every school night my S9 talks to mom, mostly she calls here. Tonight he called her they talked for a couple of minutes, she knew I was right there with him and never asked to speak to me. Of course, I did not ask to speak to her so that is that.

Glad I did not initiate, I voiced my concerns over scheduling today and she knows we need to talk about it. I will see her tomorrow at drop off so we will see what happens.

[MHL]

Okay, only have a few minutes to get this in as my W will be returning soon with my S9 from a quick visit over dinner which got all messed up. She ran into a problem leaving work on time, and could not meet for the exchange at 6:00pm so I ended up feeding me and kids out to eat, again My W is having problems at work with boss throwing her under the bus in front of the owner, in a way I hope she gets fired, that place is a cess pool, I hated it every since she started working there 2 years ago.

Did not talk to her last night but I am tonight, meeting her for a couple of beers to talk about some things particularly D13 going to child pyscologist starting Saturday, I want her to know what is going on but got to be careful not to lay the blame on my W even though it is 100% her fault. (where's that bus, maybe I'll throw her under it)

Counselor at school for D13 has been heaven sent and the only person my D13 would talk to since this hell started. D13's school C called me today and stated concerns and also that D13 admitted she needs help. I had already done the research and had the name of the Dr., scheduled today. Insurance doesn't cover, out of network but the Dr. is the best so I don't care.

Talking to my W about spliting the cost b/c she doesn't pay anything at all for the kids. Also wanted to let my W know the severity of my D13 condition of deep depression, anger, anxiety, etc. Thank you W of 16 years, I really am going to have to watch myself and not unload on her tonight.

The other part of this is how friendly am I to her, I am going to try and match her mood and tread carefully. My wife has softened considerably in the last 2 weeks since I told her I was done. This is definitely uncharted waters I am heading into tonight.

[MHL]

Last night was somewhat uneventful, unforntunately I did a lot of the talking. We came into the sports bar hardly anyone there and got them to put the UNC / NC State Bball game on the big screen. I flirted with the waitress a little, wanted to be upbeat as possible with what I had to say about D13's condition.

I delivered the severity of the sitch with our D13, who hates my W for what she has done and the lies she has told and continues to tell. My wife almost started to cry but kept it together. I did not lay any blame just stuck to where our D13 is emotionally. Told her all things aside, our D13 is the most important thing and I want her financial assistance with the psycologist.

I apologized for jumping right into to heavy stuff and asked her about her job. She is being thrown under the bus by her boss in front of the owner. I think it is a matter of time before she gets fired, they fire everyone all the time. She is also disenchanted with part time job at dept. store. Alot of dispare in her voice, I tried to give her reassurances and that she could do anything she put her mind too. She smiled and said thanks.

I asked her how she felt about the time she was spending with S9 (about 5 to 10 hours a week) she said it was great and thanked me for being so accomodating. I said no problem, and did not go into how I thought she should want to spend more time with him. She did say she would like to have a place of her own so S9 could spend the night with her on school night and make his lunch in the morning and take him to school.

This prompted a short conversation about her looking for a place. She has not looked at all, still not facing reality but she admitted that she probably could not afford it. (Welcome to Divorce) I recomended some areas to look in and we ended that part of our conversation.

Positives in the night were she got up to use restroom and left her purse and I assume her phone in the purse. I turned and did not even look at it just watched the game. Nothing to hide or is she starting to trust me?

She jumped at the opportunity to come be at the house with S9 while I am at work on Saturday and while I take D13 to Pysc. appt. Also wanted to see S9 on Sunday after church. Is she starting to reconnect with kids?

When we left the bar she walked with me and closer than she has before as we approached her car we both knew the moment was coming, hug, kiss, hug & kiss? I am 6'3" and she is 5'4" so when we hug her head tucks in under my chin. We did a sideways hug but she pull in a leaned her head on my chest and I rested my chin on her head. I wanted more but resisted, I looked at her and said "take care" and turned and went to my car. I was okay.

[Cie la vie]

Mhl,

I know you don't want to expended to much energy on speculating what your W might be thinking but do you feel there maybe some kinks in the armor forming?

I recognize us LBS's have tendency to read into every little deviation from what the norm has been and allow it to generate false hope. Something none of us need at this point.

I reread the 6 stages of MLC and my W is firmly in stage 3 (replay).

[MHL]

CLV,
I don't want to speculate either but I think she may be moving to stage 4 but they tend to "cycle" meaning go back and forth between stages. I do not know for sure b/c I do not know her dating status nor will I ask her.

I will say this when I picked up my son today at her house she lingered on the front porch, and watched us navigate the ice covered driveway down to the car. It was freezing outside, then as we were driving away she stayed in the doorway to wave goodbye. I was somewhat "cool" I did not look that way nor did I wave but I could see her out of the corner of my eye.

She has also put some weight back on I noticed maybe 5 to 7 pounds, this could also lead to a firm step into the depression stage. I think she might be in a R with the guy from the Facebook pic on January 3 but I have no way of knowing and do not care, my behavior stays the same no matter what. I am doing things for me and further detatch from her.

The other thing I noticed is that I have not seen her straighten her hair in a while, granted I don't see her as much so could have missed it. You see my W has naturally curly hair and when she straightens it she looks dramatically different, almost like an alter ego. I think she feels younger when she straightens her hair and she usually does this when she goes out.

These are all small things and I just write them down and watch and carry on with my life and focus on me and my kids.