All the time for me actually. It's surprising how fast I got use to not having someone lay next to me at night. Miss it. Days like today suck. Plain and simple. My emotions are all over the place. I miss the smell of my H, feel lonely in many ways. LONG for the intimacy again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I just finished typing the divorce decree. I feel wretched.
This is the hardest thing, letting the SG go. I still love him, still want him. I feel sad, and yet I also look at it as a new beginning.
I have had so many signs that the old needs to die before the new can begin. I know this may be the death of my M to the SG, but it is also a new beginning. I have the second half of my life to try to get this thing right. I am not sure what the future holds, but somehow I know that God is watching over me, as is K, and the rest of my family that is in Heaven.
Still, I miss SG, and although I know that this D is inevitable, and is not necessarily a bad thing, I almost wish he would change his mind.
And then I wonder, WTH would I do if he did?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I feel ya girls. Lonely days, lonely nights. *sigh* My extra pillow on the empty half of the king sized bed just don't make up for the lack of someone to snuggle up to. Maybe we should all get cats! I hear they can be great snugglers. My dog would probably try to eat it though.
Did any of that pick up your mood?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Oh, Lola! I am lonely, too. I want so bad to have that special person to call when something good happens, someone to hold hands with, to kiss, to sleep next to! Some nights bad mommy goes in and gets my son or daughter to come sleep in my bed. Hopefully they won't be scarred for life.
I hated finishing up the divorce petition. Hated being the one to have to fill it out since it was his idea--much like you and SG!
Oh, it sucks, I know. Again, wish we were closer so we could have a massive girls' weekend...
That is the hardest part. I didn't want this, yet I know that I have to let him go. In the meantime, I hurt from still missing him. And the strange thing is I know he misses me too...just by little comments he makes...like the one about he could finish the divorce, and now I wouldn't have to see him.
But, it is not fair to either one of us for me to continue to cling to him. If it is meant to be, it will, and if not, I hope that God sees fit to make sure I don't spend the rest of my life by myself.
Mishka...I want a kittie to snuggle with lol! It did make me laugh, but D14's b/f is allergic to cats, so she was a foo foo dog. I don't want a dog...too much work.
{sigh}. I am just lonely. I miss his arms around me, I miss being able to lay my head on his shoulder, and the smell of his neck. And no matter what, I can't seem to get past it. I know I will eventually, and it will require me not talking to him anymore. And yet I can't imagine, still, my life without him.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Wow...this is so wonderful to know there are other women feeling the same. Yes, bobbi...all of those thing! Exactly how I feel. I too, once in a while will grab my son and snuggle with him in bed. I'd do it more but don't want it to become a habit but geeze it sure feels good.
So there are others here...many probably that ended up filing even though its not what they wanted? Good to know....my H wanted out but I know will not get the paperwork. I'm nearing that point. It's not what I want (completely) I'm just not sure if for the right reasons though. My eyes are becoming more open. Scared.
I read somewhere that to conquer your fears you must face them. My biggest fear was losing SG. By the time I faced it, I realized I already had.
And yet I can't help but wonder. Why does he still call? There really is no reason for us to talk. The debts are settled, and any other communication can be done through email.
But I refuse to allow myself to fall back into the trap of reading too much into an action. I have gotten my hopes up before, and learned they can be dashed just as quickly. I don't expect him to come back remorseful.
But part of me wishes...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lol what's funny...after feeling all of that yesterday...sad missing him...he texts me wondering when I was picking up our son (auhh same time as I do everyday) only to say maybe he could come see him later just wanted to let me know that his friend Brook was coming over to change before work from school. This escalated into me texting him and saying if you are going to do this to me again I will not be in your life anymore. Can't believe you can do this again, you use to be the one that protected me from hurt now you're the one causing it over and over, etc. etc. you get the drift. He just text me about a half hour ago and said ...are you ready for this.... "do you want to have lunch today?" WTF!!!!!!! I text him back and said did you hear anything I said?
Lonely days, lonely nights. *sigh* My extra pillow on the empty half of the king sized bed just don't make up for the lack of someone to snuggle up to. Maybe we should all get cats! I hear they can be great snugglers. My dog would probably try to eat it though. 
