Running out of time.

[MHL]

Clv,
Just checking in, I know you will not get this until tomorrow at work but wanted to know how your weekend went.

[Cie la vie]

Hello MHL,

I just posted on your thread.

My weekend was good one for the most part. Had a great day with the kids on Sunday coupled with the NFL championship games.

On the W front things continue to be bizarre. I am a daily cell phone snooper and although it can have it's pitfalls it is always illuminating and this weekend was no exception.

You were spot on with your analysis about the OM situation and the likelihood that it will increase rather than decrease upon her departure from our home. She is jumping head first into OM2 with remarkable speed. The W was on the phone with OM2 for three hours on Friday night (til 1:30 AM) and they exchanged 20+ text messages. The text exchange reads like a Jr. High school flirt session. I didn't check her phone on Sunday but I did this morning and three more hours of texting from 8-11pm (82 in total).

What did I gleam from this? Well the W initially made dinner reservations for the two them at a very expensive ($100/plate) restaurant in Bel Air for this coming Sat. This however apparently was to long of wait as she later asked him if he would like to have dinner at her new apartment on Friday. This guy must be pinching himself on how he got so lucky, no effort needed on his part. It must be like playing tee ball.

The remarkable thing is my W doesn't have a job and no prospects, blew thru $34,000.00 in less than 90 days (oct.-dec) now has a monthly rent of $1,800.00+, monthly nanny bills will be $1,400.00, car payment $225/month and she informed me today that she will likely cash out her other 401k as she is out of coin. She desperately needs her head examined.

Today is our twins birthday (3 years old). My W asked me if I wanted to go in on a gift with her. I wanted to tell her that she has already given them the gift of a broken home a gift that keeps on giving the rest of their lives. I decided against that comment.

I'm truly more concerned about her mental health than anything else. All this stuff doesn't really anger me (save for the damage this D is going to do the kids)her decision making is off the charts bad and it is a 180 from who she use to be. Plus if she is really this eff'd up I have to be worried about my kids in her new environment. She doesn't offically move in to her apartment until Wednesday and she is already having a pajama party. She has no real clue who this guy is. You can't make this stuff up. Also, she is still in contact with OM1 (it appears to be slowing however) who is in the midwest, she has plans to travel to see him over the Presidents weekend.

MHL,

What shenanigans can I likely expect over the next few weeks/months based on what seems to be a fairly similiar sitch to yours?

[MHL]

The W was on the phone with OM2 for three hours on Friday night (til 1:30 AM) and they exchanged 20+ text messages. The text exchange reads like a Jr. High school flirt session. I didn't check her phone on Sunday but I did this morning and three more hours of texting from 8-11pm (82 in total).

Not that I want to "one up" anyone in arena, and 82 texts is quite impressive. My W and OM1 sent/received 123 the night before I found out. Glad to hear you can laugh about it early on in your sitch, I wish I had been in such control, I admire you for your calm.

This guy must be pinching himself on how he got so lucky, no effort needed on his part. It must be like playing tee ball.

MHL,

What shenanigans can I likely expect over the next few weeks/months based on what seems to be a fairly similiar sitch to yours?

Here is my prediction on your W's sitch. OM2 will enjoy the tee ball session for a while but will grow tired after a couple of weeks b/c who would want an R with someone like this. I don't mean to disparage your wife, she is sick as is mine. This is all exciting and new to her and she is addicted to the chemicals releasing in her brain, you know this already.

When OM2 doesn't want to take her out or spend anytime w/her other than for you know what, she will get clingy and he will run but keep her on the dangling on the line, I would. She will look to OM1 for emotional fulfillment during this entire time, if OM1 finds out about OM2 he will be done. Keep this card in your pocket for now, you could play this either way on OM 1 or 2.

She will lose OM2 no matter what, it could be quick or take a while. OM1 is what lead her to her decision and she will hold on to that. My W kept OM1's number and stayed in contact during affair w/ OM2, I am convinced she spent NYE with OM1 which was 6 months after I discovered them and probably the first time they saw each other since, don't know for sure.

If OM1 is interested in a R with your W, and OM2 is out of the picture (well not as prominent), you could drop the "bomb" on OM1 after a couple of months, or do a double "bomb" on both. put them in touch with each other. I bet they both drop her, granted she will be pissed at you but at that point she will be tied down with the kids and want to get back out on the hunt. Nights out etc.

I wouldn't be surprised if she loses interest in the kids, my W did and has just now starting to miss them, 5 months later. I would really watch out for your kids at this point, no telling what she might do. If she loses other OM1 this will be a devastating blow to her esteem and she may start to look behind her to see what she was running from. Don't be there, she will look but you will be doing your thing and also being the best father in the world. She may keep running or may sink into depression, who knows??

Sounds like you are straped in and already hitting some pretty good hills on the this rollercoaster. IMHO, you are doing great and if you love your wife from a distance, you will get her back one day.

[Cie la vie]

My W and OM1 sent/received 123 the night before I found out.

How dare your WAW one up my WAW. This is unacceptable.

It will be interesting to see how the OMen sitch plays out. I probably won't have any insight on what is developing moving forward. The W and I said goodbye this morning. I initiate a hug and little kiss and told her to be safe. She welled up and I went to work. The moving truck was out front as I left. She'll be at her new apartment tonight and off to the races with her new life.

It was a sad moment and I drove to work with a heavy heart. I honestly don't know what she is feeling inside, is it saddness or happiness? Probably a little of both I guess. Not sure what the future holds but I'm moving forward with the attitude that we will be offically divorced within six months.

I did get one last peek in her phone and it was a simple continuance of the previous days, sappy childish banter. The lack of any evidence of communication with OM1 was very interesting. Up until the last few days they have been in constant contact with eachother. It is possible that he is on a business trip and their normal lines of communication are unavailable. I would be surprised if they had severed ties, however, the heavy pursuit of OM2 may suggest otherwise. I guess I'll never really know the answer.

On the positive side I get to reestablish myself in the master bedroom with the king bed etc. I'm looking forward to more comfortable living quarters. I plan on focusing on the positive and minimizing the negatives. This is obviously a tall order but an absolute requirement with moving forward, being happy and not drifting into a depressive state. I think we all at the outset of our sitches are struck with a case of situational depression and we either emerge from that or it can become a serious issue. I feel I emerged from this sometime ago, however, it lurks around the corner waiting to pop in if we don't stay strong.

I wouldn't be surprised if she loses interest in the kids

I've already seen some signs of this. Did your W's lack of interest in the kids gain speed when she moved out? I believe that is a real possibiility here.

The coming weeks will be telling as we proceed with our parenting plan. My mother and her husband are coming down to celebrate a belated B-day with the kids this weekend. The W doesn't know this and will be to busy with OM2 to care.

Sounds like you are straped in and already hitting some pretty good hills on the this rollercoaster. IMHO, you are doing great and if you love your wife from a distance, you will get her back one day.

My close friends and family feel like I am handling everything about as well as possible. And of course I do love my W and want her to be happy and in my opinion her best chance at true happiness is with our family whole again. Time will tell.

[MHL]

Clv,
My hat is off to you. You sound like you have a good handle on things, the attitude of her happiness first is a very mature, difficult and gut wrenching thing to do. I was reading a success story of Jack_Three_Beans, and he adopted the same attitude with his wife. He has been on the boards for a while so I have not read through his whole sitch.

Giving her lots of space and time is the way to go, the only thing I might recommend is not expect to be divorced. For me I have to keep hope alive, but if it helps you keep your distance then so be it.

The lack of interest started with the kids after started after my W met OM#2 and really hasn't changed since then. It is really unbelievable. However, my W doesn't have an apartment or condo, she rents a room in a house with the owner of the house (lady) and one other young girl (28) that rents the other room. There is no sleeping arrangements for the kids and not really a place they want to be. Welcome to Divorce!! but it really doesn't bother her, she has not responsibility what-so-ever, it is like she is back in college in a dorm.

Enjoy getting your master bed back, be ready for the weird stuff to start rolling in, she may even want you to know what she is doing so as to further push you away to lessen her guilt. Keep us posted.

[Cie la vie]

Mhl,

However, my W doesn't have an apartment or condo, she rents a room in a house with the owner of the house (lady) and one other young girl (28) that rents the other room.

What? That is nutty. Although it makes better economic sense than moving into an apartment at $1,800/month an no income. Strange arrangments for both our W's under any circumstances.

Enjoy getting your master bed back, be ready for the weird stuff to start rolling in, she may even want you to know what she is doing so as to further push you away to lessen her guilt. Keep us posted.

The W has been over the last few weeks more engaging and friendly to me than anytime during this crisis, however, she has never really show any sign of wavering in her decision, even given her ridiculous financial situation.

Unless she decides to contact me she will have very limited opportunity to push me away any further. We will likely have conversation around bills, mediation and the parental schedule in the next week or two but I intend to minimize contact as much as possible.

You have peaked my interest with the "be ready for the weird stuff" comment. I have kind sold myself on the idea that she may out do me on the going dark thing.

I guarantee you I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the heads up on what I might expect to happen.

[Cie la vie]

Well last night was offically the first night of our separation. I got home at 6:15 PM and relieved the nanny and settled into my night routine with the little rascals (they celebrated their 3rd B-day on Monday).

Having the house alone with the kids with half the furniture removed proved to be a little more emotional than I had anticipated. It didn't help that the children shows on TV (Nick Jr.) were all family themed last night. Very ironic and a little unsettling.

The evening went smoothly with the kids and I put them to bed and had a late dinner. It will take sometime to get into the rythm of my new schedule but so far so good. I can only speculate what my wife might be thinking but I want to condition myself to avoid putting any energy into what she might be doing or thinking moving forward.

The kids are with her for the next two days and will be back with me Friday night thru Monday morn.

I expect my wife to request we speed up the sale of the home so she can have access to her half of the equity given her financial situation. The next week or two will be very interesting to say the least.

[MHL]

Clv,
There will be those moments where the sadness will set in for whatever reason, for me it is sometimes fixing dinner b/c that is what my wife used to do and did it well. Instead of shying away from the activity, I have tried to pour myself into cooking and trying to cook new things. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when the kids like what I cook and it turns what was a sad moment for me into a happy one.

Congrats on your kids birthday, focus on those things and you are right try not to think about your W is doing or thinking. You are Dbing great and again I think you got a good handle on the sitch.

[Cie la vie]

Update,

The dog and I spent last night alone. It wasn't half bad actually. I'll will need to find things to keep myself busier during my free nights moving forward. I plan on getting my brokers license over the coming months, something I should have done over the last few years.

The W called me on my cell phone today, this is maybe the third time she has put a call into me since early October. The purpose of the call was one that angers me. The kids spent the night with her for the first time at her new apartment and she took them to school and they melted down. The W was forced to bring them back to her apartment because they were inconsolable. I didn't get the call as I have been extremely busy at work and didn't hear the message until a few hours later. I calle her back and felt like say "what did you expect". I didn't of cousre but I had to listen to her as she spin doctored the whole episode as just one of those things.

I feel terrible for my little ones as they are as I have said before innocent victims to my W's MLC and associated selfishness. She'll continue to rationalize away any trauma or problems that affect the children to minimize her guilt and justify her decision. Nothing I can do about but it does piss me off. She has the kids tonight and tomorrow the nanny will shoulder the burden of dropping the kids off at school.

I'm sure my W will be to busy getting her hair done or spending more money she doesn't have, after all she has a big Friday and Saturday night schedule with OM2.

[MHL]

Clv,
This is definitely a sign of the MLCer that I have been reading about all day. I am sicker than a dog and stayed home today, S9 was under the weather also. So I let him stay home also, he did a marathon session of PS3, 6 hours, while I read all of Jack_Three_Beans threads in MLC archives.

She will still look to you for the emotional support a need that OM1 nor OM2 will provide especially when it has to do with 2 3 year old kids. Did you have to call her back today? Was there something that she asked you in her message that you had to reply to? Of course you don't want to come off as not caring about the kids and a call back to check up on them is definitely in order, but be careful not to blur that line.

If she did not still want to "hold on" to you in some way or another she would not have called at all. The MLCer is so messed up in the head they don't know what they want from one day to the next. Wait until she is all alone in that apartment and OM2 is done or doesn't care and she can't reach OM1, she will be ringing you up for whatever reason she can think of.