Karen, I think you need to quit being nice and going for temporary alimony. What if the job doesn't work out(I am knocking on wood as I say that), or you don't get remarried or you get sick. Don't cave on it. Really what you are making now shouldn't make that big of difference.
Stay strong. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think I will at least ask for permanent alimony. The judge if he grants it would do so at a reduced rate. I do hope I would get remarried at some point probably if I meet a decent guy, so that wouldn't really be permanent then anyway.
I bought D10 some clothes on an online sale (really cute clothes) 3 outfits worth for about $60 this past week. When I tried to go back later and check the shipping info, it says I attempted login too many times and they locked me out. I would have to call to get online access. I guess X saw I made a purchase there, and wanted to know if I was spending the money on myself. I just joined their online site when I ordered the clothes and never attempted to access it once.
I had given X my bank account online password info when I had the problems with the car last year, I noticed today it says I have logged into my online account 66 times since December 9. I typically check it no more than once a week, at most 6 times since then. So he has been checking it like almost twice a day to see what I'm spending. Needless to say I changed the password and login today.
Woohoo! I bought a couch and recliner chair today. The couch was good, $500, but the recliner was $299. The kids insisted they had to have one and I'm such a marshmallow I gave in. I will just never have them go shopping with me for a major purchase again, but I wanted to get furniture the kids liked too. I feel guilty for the recliner, but the couch I totally needed. I've been using my son's futon on wood "couch", and it was horrible. I told the kids last big purchase for the next 10 years!
Good for you on the furniture! It makes a world of difference having some things that are just yours and had never been his. What a pain that he is checking on you. Is his name on the account too? Maybe worth a mention to the L to show how controlling and manipulative he is.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No way your STBX should have access to your account. If his name is not on the account then he needs to be shut out.
I hope the furniture lifts your spirits up. Sometimes resolving material needs like that can help one's PMA. I was sleeping on a lousy air mattress for months right after the separation began. When xW later found out I bought a new bed and some furniture to go with it (nothing that expensive, mind you) she obviously had a cow. She later threw that in my face -- she was obviously perturbed by it. I think she must have relished the thought of me living in spartan squalor indefinitely but then I had to go and ruin that for her.
His name isn't on the account, it's my personal checking account. I gave him the info when he needed it when my car repo'd, maybe that was 6 months ago or so, so he's probably been checking thousands of times since then!!! I had no idea!
I felt guilty about the recliner (I know we deserved a couch!), but was recalling when X moved out, he bought the $300 pogo stick? Remember that? My purchase was the same price, but the whole family (plus probably the dog and cat) will use it. So feel less guilty. And D10 wants to budget and watch our money now after our big purchase, so that's good too.
I was watching a cheesy movie with D16 this weekend, Along Came Polly, I think it was. The guy's wife cheats on him with this guy, and at the end of the movie, he thanks him for it; he is so much happier. I feel like that too at this point. OW did me a favor, and I realize that more each day....
I wouldn't feel so guilty about the recliner -- it's a tangible benefit to you and your kids, so unlike a pogo stick. Who cares what your STBX might think? Plus your D10 seeing the point about the next step of frugality proves you've found a perfect teachable moment -- don't forget to make use of that.
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Oh, NC, how could you ruin the fun for her???
I was just so much the evil H to her! What flabbergasts me the more I think about it is that our home that I moved out of during the separation had a spare bedroom with a perfectly fine single bed that I should have been able to move with me into the apartment. And yet she claimed she wanted it for her mother and told me I should use the air mattress instead -- I must have been extremely shell-shocked to have accepted her excuses while she shafted me so badly. I guess I just couldn't really believe the separation would be anything ore than a temporary living arrangement. Man, was I ever an idiot!
Ok, my creepy stalker news of the day. I just signed up with eharmony a few days ago, and it showed up on my checking account, so I know X knew that. I logged onto it today and it said I was in my account at 3:30 today checking out profiles. I of course was at work. I made the mistake of using one of my kids' names as the password, and I've just changed it. Why is he doing this? Do you think to get info for court? I haven't done anything, and don't plan to date until after the divorce, but I do plan to start dating when the divorce is final. I've had 2 years to get over this.
Ok, my creepy stalker news of the day. I just signed up with eharmony a few days ago, and it showed up on my checking account, so I know X knew that. I logged onto it today and it said I was in my account at 3:30 today checking out profiles. I of course was at work. I made the mistake of using one of my kids' names as the password, and I've just changed it. Why is he doing this? Do you think to get info for court?
Ugh, thats amazing! I agree, he just wanted to shop for some hotties. hehe. I think its funny that he cares that you are potentially dating! I also dont think that since he is dating someone that it would give him any sort of extra ammo for court. Tell your lawyer, about the bank and eHarmony! Change ALL of your passwords!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
hehe. I think its funny that he cares that you are potentially dating! I also dont think that since he is dating someone that it would give him any sort of extra ammo for court. Tell your lawyer, about the bank and eHarmony! Change ALL of your passwords!