Scared and need advice

[avermont]

Thanks again, LFA.

I did consult a lawyer early on. There's no common law here. If one of us wanted to, could serve papers, more or less, to force the sale. I also spoke to my cousin who is a lawyer, and he advised just to let it lie. See what he does.

If it came to forcing the sale, it would be big and ugly and come down to who has deeper pockets. We are fairly matched $ wise, but he also has a GF to chip in $.

I will take your advice, though, and call both my cousin and a local lawyer again. Get a little more solid advice.

I have appointments with my financial advisor and rep from retirement plan coming up. I will be asking about the implications about liquidating as much as I can to have $ in hand.

I spoke to the bank and I am pre-approved to re-fi the house on my own. I would then have to find about $40K to pay him off.

I could live with NEITHER of us having the house, but at this time I cannot have him move in with her.

Another big fear I have is that he will move into one of the apartments when they open up, to force me out in emotional distress. As he is co-owner, I don't think I would have legal ground to prevent that.

If he expressed that he was going to do that, I think I would contact some of his guy friends, for whom he has great respect. They haven't seen or spoken to him since his did this. Anyhow, I do think I could ask them to beat some compassion into him.

Other threads have talked al ot about simply saying "I'm not ready to talk about that yet" as relates to a divorce or the house. I hope I can keep saying that without him getting ugly about it.

I'm sorry you suffered so much financially through your sitch. At least X has kept the $ on the up and up. And we always had separate accounts.

I have so much work to do on detaching and improving myself. And honestly, after 7 months of crying, drinking too much, being constantly busy with friends, work, volunteer projects...I don't know that I have grown at all. I don't know that I have changed for the better at all. Sure, I can call the heating guy. Sure, I am ready to clean out that icky drain.

But what makes me a better person? How can I get some focus and clarity on that? How can I get some growth and benefit out of this horrible sitch?

Sorry for the ramble--thanks for checking in--