Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

I remember my H wanting to hear me tell him that I would put forth effort in getting our M back on track. I felt so frazzled and so discourage.....and very unmotivated to work at a R with him. I hope you can try to realize that every day she is still there....she feels as though she is putting forth all the effort she can muster. I know that may not be enough, but it took me a good while before I could reach that place.
Don't know that I've said this to you or not, but I've told several that I had to get to the place of being willing "to be willing".....and that was a hard step for me. In fact, I think it had to be broken down into tiny baby-steps.

Sandi - thanks you so much for lending your personal experience again. My W has used almost those exact same words. She has said many times that she has to "see if I can get to a place were I am even willing to work on things."

You had not shared that with me before, I would have remembered because the wording is so, so close to what my W says to me. And I understand how long that could take...thus the anxiety of me possibly leaving soon and leaving her here. She has told me no effort either because she is too tired or other times she tells me because she has to feel something for me and want to try...and she doesn't right now.

I know I can rely on them to not hurt me. However, I don't wear them out dancing! Get the point?

I get the point. Really do. That is the hard part - knowing W isn't trying, isn't interested yet in wearing those shoes out dancing and knowing both of our lives are so busy that it seems there is no time to even think about dancing.

So now I'm hearing it over and over...back down. Will try to avoid R talks tonight or even future talks, W may or may not bring it up. It is draining on both of us. I would like her to take a night off from work, but I don't control that. If she works, I'll go take a walk or go for an ice cream.