I think the night at the hotel sounds great! If she won't go, invite me! Have you checked out the nearest location and weekend for Retrouvaille? You are moving to Hawaii, you don't have months to go to counseling. One short weekend, and things will either be better or they won't. Yes, you can communicate, but you can improve on it.I don't see how giving 100% can possibly not include at least spending one weekend making a structured effort with the guidance of people who have done this successfully before. I'd give her the date and location and try to get it scheduled.
Doubtless to me, she is pushing on OM to see if he is leaving his wife and kids and ready to move in with her. The answer has not been "yes".
