My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[Gardener]

nsw1222,

I have found the Boundaries thread and have asked for help over there at coming up with a good script/plan to establish a Boundary with my SO regarding the OM.

Don't just post there; read every post on that thread.

Another way to look at the situation would be to think of us as divorced. For those who are divorced, ones ex-wife or ex-husband would indeed be likely to see an OP.

Nonsense. Both sentences.

And yes, anyone else who would post this type of scenario I would likely advice them to do what you all have suggested.

Then do it.

But what I guess I am trying to say is, it isnt as if I can set a consequence for her of D since she now lives with her father and we're already not together.

Yes you can. Instead of D = Divorce, D can = DONE. With her. Forever.

The biggest consequence I can set for her is not having me in her life in any way aside from being a father to our daughter

Yep.

She told me the other day that she's having fun with her life the way it is, so even this consequence may not be dire enough to serve as incentive.

Believe none of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see!

With what she told me the other day about being upset and crying because I wouldnt answer her calls for three days...maybe it would. Then again, as I understand it this OM is fulfilling her need for a listener...so my cutting her off and her getting upset may give him the opportunity to move in further and be a shoulder for her to cry on about what a "horrible and mean person" I am not talking to her.

Nonsense. And if it were true, you are 1)assuming and 2)assuming something over which you have no control.

Now that I understand what it means to "detach", I know that if I successfully detach and successfully set the boundary and follow through with the consequences, I have to be prepared for the fact that it could push her right into his arms.

That's right. Again, no control.