Ring On or Ring Off????

[Drew]

Dear dgs,

I have retained the services of a lawyer to protect my interests in any divorce proceedings. However, as I am opposed to divorce, I will be taking no more steps to end our marriage.

TCBTE

[smith18]

I concur with Drew's response.

Dont make it easy for your H by doing the work for a divorce unless you want one. He sounds like a real wuss in his email. Does he wear makeup and lipstick too?

[Twink]

Drew said exactly what I was going to say.

My H is also a L. Most Ls learn family law in school, even if it doesn't become a part of their regular practice later. Your H will know how to draw up the papers. Let him do it, or hire someone to do it for him. Retain the best L you can find to protect your interests, make sure your L knows that you do not want the D, and do not want him/her to initiate anything. Then do nothing but protect yourself, and collect the information that you may need should your H move forward.

[ddstartingover]

Oh, no----I've already responded...ummmm.....poorly, or at least in an non-DB appropriate way.

I guess I posted it because................I don't know. To have on record what a cold and impersonal email asking for divorce from a spouse of over 20 years looks like.

I guess if anyone wants to read it and tell me how wrong I am-----that this is a very sane thing for someone to do----I'll accept it. Or, if someone wants to chime in and tell me this is obviously written by a very rational, thoughtful person ---someone not in MLC and it's time to move on......than I'll take that too.

Sometimes I just post things here to share.

I won't say I've failed at everything. I have had some success----with me, and I no longer think I can't live without my H. I am having some MAJOR problems with self esteem right now. No matter how much my brain tells me this is all on him-----I still blame myself for not being good enough to want to bring him around.

Thanks Jack. I'll do my best to find some confidence and stop failing.

[Drew]

How did you respond?

[ddstartingover]

Started with a "after 30 years, this is what I get?" kind of thing and then progressed to how wrong you are to want to end this......how horrible it is for the kids....there's something wrong with you.....I love you, always will......all those things a good DB'er is not supposed to say.....I said all of these things in the beginning. Learned not to, and for the most part stopped all of that. I did my best to be "dim" not able to go completely dark. I've backslid----but nothing like after this email.

The day after this email exchange he came to get the kids all happy and smiley and talked about the driveway needing work (which of course he's already made clear is MY responsibility now)and I followed with another email about how I didn't understand how he could be this way after ripping my heart out again...yada yada yada and then another one about the ring....

I know it was wrong. I really didn't expect anything I said to make a difference-----I don't EXPECT anything I do or have done to make a difference. I think I've learned that at this point. I know that I can only do things for me. My heart just took over.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Houston we may have a problem.

TCBTE, I understand the desire to rip into them...and sometimes it is a good thing...sometimes. Sometimes.

But uh...really stop sending him emotionally charged emails. It really doesn't help you.

[ddstartingover]

I do know that.......................I'm done. Thanks for the reminder.

On to plan B......................

[Drew]

So don't bring up the whole lawyer/divorce thing until he does. If and when he does, then respond as suggested.

At least that's my advice.

[ddstartingover]

As usual, wish I would have come here first...........but can't change what I did at this point, right? Can only just STOP.