Shes biting your head off anytime you mention 'intercourse','sex' or 'no clothes'. These seem to be real hot triggers for her. (Something to mention to the therapist, perhaps).....
...As for doing the exercises\videos, perhaps you could say 'I'm going to watch the X video now, you can join me if you want.' Make it really low key and non-threatening - but you're showing leadership.
You say in your first post that it got a lot worse, recently (last couple of years). Did something dramatic happen?
Thank you!
I intend to bring up with the therapist and my wife, both what my role should be in doing the exercises (exhibit leadership or leave that to my wife) and make sure that my wife explains her perspective on what happened, so if nothing else I can try to understand her perspective on what is going on. Yes, I do think that she has some real emotional minefield issues that are easy for me to step on. Your suggested approach on the video sounds better, thank you.
Finally, as to something dramatic happening last year. The only thing, that might be considered a "dramatic outside event" was the announcement of my oldest son getting engaged to be married and ultimately getting married in the third quarter of 2009. He has known the woman for about 5 years and we both love her dearly. I don't think that was the underlying problem, but I don't know what caused the changes.
I would probably expect it was a combination of my no longer willing to stand rejection from her, my not understanding how she needs to be told she is loved in her language of love and her inhibition/body image problems combined with turning 60. Actually, maybe turning 60 could be part of this. It is a major point in one's life.
I have been concerned that there may be an underlying medical reason and insisted that my wife go to a woman doctor who specializes in low libido and women's health issues. While my wife has not yet gotten her blood work results back, we are expecting them in about two weeks. From the doctor's physical examination of my wife there were no obvious medical issues. But it will really be the blood work that will say whether there may be any underlyling medical issues.
Thank you again and good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
