Hi H, Wouldn't it be possible to nicely discuss the possibility of him contributing $$ in your settlement? If you can approach (probably rehearse it) in a non-threatening/non demanding way, could this be a possibility?
You should not feel used. But I know how you feel. I am similarly slow to separate our joint finances but realizing that I am helping subsidize his "new" life keeps me from agreeing to a 50/50 split on our credit card debt. But like you, I still dont' want this to get nasty. My DB coach always advocated a "remain civil" approach, I think from what you've said that is what you want to do.
Reading your post, it seems like you are defining boundaries for yourself as you go forward. Have you thought about how much $$ you'd ask him for if you ask? Sometimes seeing the numbers in black & white will give you the push to pursue, or maybe you'll decide the amt. not worth it. Then, I don't know if you've consulted a L yet, but take the agrmt. to the L & ask about having that added to it. Tell H then you'll sign it,(if you are ready to sign).
Coach has a good thread on boundaries. Maybe you can directly ask him a good way to approach this. Don't ignore your feelings of getting a raw deal. You shouldn't have to get nasty in order to get what is rightfully yours.
Wishing you a good week, H! Peace and hugs to you, LFA
