WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

It's been a couple of weeks since posting. I have been really busy with my new job and am leaving town tommorrow.

We scheduled a mediation appointment. W pushed to get it scheduled and we are going next Monday, 2/1. Her goals, from what I can tell, are, in this order:

1) get agreement for us to alternately move out of house - each getting our 'own' place (previously she had wanted us to share a place and go back and forth). This would keep kids in the house but us separated.

2) get me to pay her so she can get a place for herself that kids can alternate to/from


My goals are:

1) Establish terms for a final S/D agreement that addresses how much she would be expected to work in order to calculate child support

2) Determine division of assets, primarily the house. We need to figure out if it will be sold, and when , and if not when she would expect to be paid for her half of the equity. Division of other assets (cars, furniture, etc) shouldn't be that hard.

Once my (1) and (2) goals are sorted out, THEN I would be interested in figuring out what to do in the interim before things are final (alternately move out, her move out, whatever).


She doesn't want to discuss the ultimate 'end game'. She doesn't want to file for D, only legal S. I think she wants to just figure out how much money she can get if she just moves out - my stance is that we need a formal agreement in place before I pay her a dime, and the agreement would be the same whether or not we D or S. It should be interesting with the mediator - she doesn't want to pay the full retainer yet just have the initial meeting. I think she is 'fishing' to figure out if she can get what she wants just from mediation (me pay her to go and be single without getting a D).

Otherwise, things have been really good between us. I have completely let her go now it feels so there is no reason to fight/argue. It was interesting that she pushed for mediator appointment as soon as this situation arrived - I think she realizes I won't give her any ammunition any more and I assume she has some business to do with OM.

My IC told me that even if we got in a fight every 4/6 weeks, which was what was happening, that kids prefer to keep family all together. W says she needs to leave because kids hearing fights isn't a good thing. The thing she is really looking for here is privacy/space, while I have turned into a nice roomate who doesn't care about her comings/goings any more.