I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[MarkG]

What matters less is the diagnosis, what matters more is treatment. If he doesn't have terrible mood swings chances are counseling will be enough. I just remembered you asking where my sitch was posted and by the time I got the url in signature figured out I forgot to post on the thread. Click the link at the bottom of my signature where it says My Story, or I'll paste the link here too.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45489&Number=1918068

[talia]

I'm wondering how everyone here deals with the lonliness. I've got a great support network and I keep my schedule pretty full.... but I'm still overwhelmed some nights with missing H. Anyone have any great idea's on how to deal?

[MarkG]

I deal with the loneliness by getting wrapped up in something different. Try kids, going out with friends, tv, books, internet, etc. I have started dating but iirc you said you were opposed to that. Get out and do as many things as you are comfortable with. Also help others, when you think about other people's problems you forget about your own. Remember these 3 words:

OUT OF SELF

[NoLongerHere]

I engage in the things I get lost in. Specifically, I play my guitar and sing. I'm a big reader, but I find that reading doesn't always help, because your mind can still race.

I call friends and family. Yeah, it's not the same, but it helps.

I spend time with my kids.

Sometimes I just let myself feel it, and I know the sun is going to come up again tomorrow and it'll be another day.

[talia]

Journaling..... and Musing...

I'm doing all the right things then... I guess sometimes you just have to deal with it. The funny thing is, I'm really happy these days. Its amazing. I might try dating... and just see how it goes. Part of me wonders if I'm just afraid, so I guess I'll go find out! I put a profile on a popular dating website - mostly just to see what the response would be - but its been good! I have't pursued anything but now I'm thinking I might. I seem to be doing well with detaching these days - better than I have been. I'm feeling sorry for H this past weekend - it must really suck to feel like you can't be the better man I deserve. I'm not so worried about this upcoming "negotiation" he thinks we are going to have. I might just tell him I don't feel like it and not even meet! I don't owe him anything and I don't care if he needs to ruin his life, he's not going to ruin mine too. I'm a good person and a great catch for someone who deserves me. I don't care anymore if he divorces me - his life is going to be miserable until he deals with his issues. The funny thing I realized this weekend... he feels I deserve a better husband (he's said that several times) ergo he dosen't feel HE can be a better man AND clearly he feels OW is all he deserves. She's a whole lotta ugly/crazy/yucky/sick. What a world to live in where you deserve that. I ponder whether or not OW/OM understand that if the WAS does that to their spouse its a preview of what will happen to them too...


Ok back to reality where everyone is logical.....

[MarkG]

Haha I think logic disappeared a long long time ago. This is the point I wish I was at all the time, but unfortunately I fluxuate between the 2. It is so true that the WAS has to deal with their individual problems, but imo when they do deal with their problems is when they actually come to the realizations they need to.

[talia]

SO I got an email yesterday asking me to set a time to meet to "figure out the rest of this". Funny thing about it - the suggested dates are toward the middle/end of Feb. So much for H's sense of urgency and need to complete this process RIGHT NOW. The email was chatty and light - very unsual for him but par for the course since Jan 1. Its a change... just not sure what it means (if anything). Its a big change from how he was early on all the way up to Thanksgiving. I'm not really sure what to do with "halfway pleasant" H, I'm only skilled at dealing with "Pain in the Ass" H. Now I have to find a whole new set of people skills! I find myself wanting to be bitchy back - but also realizing if this is his twisted way of reaching out I need to be careful. I doubt thats the case - but its a huge change. There seems to be a very fine line between protecting myself emotionally and moving forward with my life; and being inviting enough for him to know that I'd like to repair this.

It seems I should have stayed in Gymnastics earlier in life - The balance beam seems to be my new talent......

Anyone have thoughts? 2 x 4 's? Something?

[chatterbug]

I'm wondering how everyone here deals with the lonliness. I've got a great support network and I keep my schedule pretty full.... but I'm still overwhelmed some nights with missing H. Anyone have any great idea's on how to deal?

Hi Talia.

I recommend you get yourself some massages. They realy help with the lonliness.

[chatterbug]

I don't owe him anything and I don't care if he needs to ruin his life, he's not going to ruin mine too. I'm a good person and a great catch for someone who deserves me. I don't care anymore if he divorces me - his life is going to be miserable until he deals with his issues. The funny thing I realized this weekend... he feels I deserve a better husband (he's said that several times)

When he says that. You agree.

And alway be cival. Nothing more nothing less.

[talia]

Cutter,
I'm civil - but nothing more. I like the massage idea - that sounds great!!

Update - apparently not responding to his email for the last two days means I deserve to have the email forwarded to my work. I've made it clear to H that he cannot send me any emails at work AND that he needed to CALL to setup this meeting. My response to his email to my work was less than nice. I re-stated my boundaries, told him to stop emailing me here and told him I would CALL him when I figured out a date. He responded with arguing I could have called when I got the email. I shut the argument down, told him I would not be responding to communication I've specifically asked him to to use, told him the convo was over and I would call him when I had a date. I do not understand why its a damn fire drill every time I don't respond to him immediately, on his terms. His suggested dates are a month out - there's no need for an immediate response. Is this typical temper tantrum crap for a WAS? I feel like I'm dealing with a child who throws a fit and screams "I hate you" every time he dosen't get what he wants immediately.

I do think is a little funny that I make him so mad with boundaries. At least he's not walking all over me anymore.

Some days's (ergo today) I'm just overwhelmed with the sheer reality of how long a and hard a process this actually is. Part of me really, really wants to stick it out and make it happen. Another part of me can't imagine going through this for years... (que whiney, nasally tone of voice).... this really, really, really sucks and I just want it to be over...

OK.. I'm off to find my big girl panties....