if you read Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson, I really feel you have all the tools required to take care of your situation. If you have questions about something written in the book, you can post it here but in essense, the title of the book is your answer.
You want to love her, go ahead, no one is saying you can't but if you allow her to treat you poorly, to disrespect you, to abuse power & control in your relationship, what would make her stop? Loving her isn't an excuse to allow her to treat you badly or to abuse you or take advantage of your love.
Unfortunately you need to grow a backbone and that won't be done by drinking milk.
Letting her go is the first step to getting her back if that's even possible. You pretty much give her the green light to do what she does to you by accepting that behavior and not standing up for yourself. There is a huge imbalance of power and that needs to be fixed.
Sorry bro, I don't make the rules, I just know how they work now.
And this "panic" that you fear, what is it? Fear of loss, afraid to stand up to her, quantify it, what exactly are you afraid of? Paralysis, afraid that she will leave as soon as her ducks are in order? (she has pet ducks?) Listen Rob668, she is gone already, what you see is a shell of the former person, the person she is now is not the same but you are holding on to this image, hoping it will return, and I would say "NO! That's not good enough!" and you will need to change, evolve into something else, something better, something much more masculine if you want your life to turn around - this scared weak wussy man thing doesn't just translate evidently in your posts on this site, i'm sure it's pretty clear in your day to day body language when you deal with her and ohh how the ladies love a scared wussy weak guy, it's super attractive, it makes them hot..... NOT!
"....I'm still being the nice guy till there's a plan in place."
Stop being the F!@#$%*! NICE GUY!!! What's with you? Why do you want to be a nice guy? Nice guys aren't honest, you aren't honest, get angry, be honest with your feelings, "You are treating me like crap and I can't let you do that anymore! Shape up or out the door you go right now!"
"...I feel that i'm in a race to do something Before she does. "
And there is another point of failure for you.... you're not in a race, in fact, you sound like a guy who has to react to every action your W makes. No, stop this. You're in control now, you do things because you want to do them, not because you have to react to her and save your marriage.
Rob if I was able to remotely control you, I would, I would put the words in your mouth, I would control your actions, guide you, move you, show you how to respond to your wife and how she acts and how to turn things around for you but I can't. All I can say is that your fear is controlling you and you'll get nothing accomplished this way until you embrace the suck and realize that you will still be alive tomorrow and the day after that regardless of what happens.
oh Rob.... you're making me sad when I read your posts.
