Moving back in

[DDogs]

I just find his a bit odd that the affidavit of parental custodianship I received was sworn and dated on 1/14/10 hmmmm.. I thought W and I were supposed to tell the kids about the D on 1/19/10 ?????

Guess this explains why the jewelery party was more important than going to a counselling session to tell the kids,, looks like they already new a week before....

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

Well, its going to get nasty in court,,no surprise. No D filed in court yet, but my atty rec'd a copy that he sent me and of course she's claiming shes fears for her safety, etc... asks for a restraining order and wants me out of the house and to pay support while I'm gone..

she also wants to give our S15 her 2005 car when he gets his license this summer and wants MY 2009 veh with me responsible for the loan,,, oh, she did say she would register and insure it herself....

the many things that were mentioned paint a very dark picture of me (all untrue).. I am aware that her atty is fueling the requests BUT it's ultimately the W's signature at the bottom, so W is in agreement with the statements...

So I meet with my atty and tell him to take the gloves off,,,if she wants to play hardball,, I want to see her cry in court. I was being reactionary, responding legally to only things that she initiated.. I now have to go into protect myself mode..I do not think this will end the way I would like, but that was acknowledged...

I'm getting my own affidavits prepared with my kids,, I spoke kindly and what I think was neutrally with them (interview style)
aand they basically told me they were given no other options except one condition, mom for the week, dad on weekends.. My kids have told me they want equal time with both mom and dad.

their statements should also help refute the safety, hostile environment claims made against me...

A few bright spots,, my atty has requested info that I can get that will absolutely embarrass her in fron of the court and discredit some of her claims.... I did not want this but if I take the high road and play by the rules with integrity, I may feel a moral victory, but I will be steamrolled in court.. can't let that happen.

I did speak with both her parents yesterday. The have no clue whats going on. I was polite (I always got along with them very well)and brought them up to speed with whats going on but the purpose of my call was to share with them the D complaint(by e-mail).. I told them this is not what I wanted but their daughter has initiated a hostile case and I have no other option but to protect myself.

I wanted to reassure them that it was nothing personal against them, and that it will get very nasty.. I referred them to the complaint and repeated that a lot of things will come out and be said but this is result of the ground rules W has laid.

Inlaws were supportive and apologetic, reminded me again to listen to every detail my lawyer tells me to do and to do it. They told me they were dissappointed at the allegations in the complaints, (her momeven stated she thinks it sounds like the W has a psych disorder) no matter, I thanked them for the kind words and told them I would keep the kids as my priority.

Last thing they told me was to absolutely, not move out of the house...period.

thoughts?

[Greek]

You have to be tough with the legal stuff. Get this right the first time around. Otherwise, you'll have to spend money later to go back to court OR...live with the lousy outcome of court now. Getting it right this time requires being tough and protecting yourself. Sounds like you are doing that. Just one fyi...the notes from her C can be obtained legally. Your L can ask for them. Just more information for your case.

Greek

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

OK HERE WE GO AGAIN...

Received credible evidence that my W is in an affair... Went to my Lawyer to tell him to look into getting a PI to get data.

I got home but couldn't handle the stress of the info so I talked with the wife and confronted her... just like the stories on this site, I began by asking her to tell me about her affair with her boss,,, she replied, "why do you think that?" I put my hand up and stopped her, saying, "look, we both know whats been going on, Don't disrespect me by lying to me"

She replies she does not know what I'm talking about, I put my hand up again and repeat the same that we both know the truth and that she needs to stop lying....

I then change up and demand,, "have the kids ever been with you and him?" She replies "no".. I ask if he has ever been in MY house with or without the kids, she replies, "no"

She again began to back peddle and ask, "what kind of info do you think you have?" I again held up my hand and told her not to do this as we BOTH know what is going on...

After a few more back and forth exchanges, She tells me to go outside and talk.. We go out and I ask again how long has the affair been going on. She tells me since the SUMMER!!..

I Tell her I know about her involvement and want to know if she was planning on telling me. She said he is a hot looking guy, with a great personality, great job and he is her confidant...that it is only an infatuation and is not a physical affair, they have never had sex or even kissed...!

So I tell her, are you going to continue to see him and she says yes, we are getting divorced so she can do what she wants,, I remind her that we were in counseling to try and work on things and she tells me that she just was doing it to get me to agree to a divorce.

I find out he is married and has kids.... I tell her ok, well you have 24 hours for him to tell his wife and get this in the open,,, You, I and he knows,,, his wife should be informed as well..

She IMMEDIATELY say,"ok, I'll break it off!" I tell her no as I have no proof.. she say she will not see him until after our divorce, again I say "no,, either he tells her or there will be consequences..."

Now she goes into bat sh!t crazy mode accusing me of all sorts things, She's p!ssed... telling me all sorts of things I've done. etc,etc...total denial and blame shift mode...

My S16 comes down and hears us talking and I approach my son and go into his room to talk,, I explain to him that mom and dad are still getting D but things have changed a bit, I believe he is old enough to know the truth and I tell him that M wants a D because she is in a relationship with another man, her boss at work, he is married and has kids also.. I wish this wasn't so and I've tried to make things work, but M wants to live her life with another man.. I want you to know that the Marriage didn't just dissolve there was another person involved...

He says, "I know, mom told me they were just friends". I reply, "No, S, thats not the truth" I have information that proves otherwise... he is looking at me like a 1000 yard stare,,, I hug him and tell him that I still love him and I always will, But I felt that he had to know the truth about the situation....

W leaves with kids to pick up kids friends. I now begin exposing the affair,, I call her parents first and tell them what I have just found out.

MORE TO FOLLOW

[DDogs]

UPDATE continued

So I continue to calling and I call her best girlfriend (the divorced one she's getting all of her encouragement from) and tell her that "I now know all about W affair, Just wanted to let you know I'm in the loop" She talks for about 2 min then says she has to go. Of course shes now racing to call W.

GF calls back and begins to YELL AT ME because "how dare you bring W's OM wife into this,,why drag her in and wreck her life? Can't you just leave them alone...? They are happy, why involve his wife, why involve his kids, why break up his family"! WTF!

OK one more time WTF!!!!!!!

Where is the logic in that?!?! So, I'm getting lectured to not bring his W into this, because it might hurt OM marriage,,, I'll never understand the "logic" of the FOG...

AND it get better,,, I'm home alone now, W dropping/picking up kids.. then a knock on the door.... One guess.. the police!

Apparantly, W goes to the police station and tells them that she and I had an argument and she's not comming home tonight because she's afraid.... I tell the police, I discovered my W affair and she became p!ssed that I'm on to her now and got all mad and left. The tell me W claims I tried to prevent her from leaving etc.... (Kids were in the car with her so I have witnesses)

They tell me she is going to return to the home in the am and they were just telling me this as a courtesy, in case she and the kids didnt return and I got worried and called the police.. They were cordial and professional, and I was calm and explained my side... they said no report was filed,, this was just a "courtesy notification" so I knew the kids were safe..

I know she is Sh!tting a brick right now and contacting the OM and they are figuring out how they are going to deal with the OM w getting notified,,, how to spin this for the OM wife.. My guess is OM will drop W like a rock... Too bad for her, I'm done, I really think I'm out of second (third,fourth) chances,,

I'm just absolutely dumbfounded by all of this....W is making excuses and denying any responsibility, telling me I'm the bad guy in all of this... I'm so sad but relieved that I now know what I knew all along... I hate being right in this situation,,,

By the way, Father in law told me everything I've done so far is good,, expose everything,, he says, "she needs to be outed and hit rock bottom before she realizes she needs help, she has no idea of what shes doing...".

OK folks, my mind is racing in 10 different directions at 100mph.. What is my best way to handle this situation.. Any suggestions on what to do now..?

advice, 2x4, critique please,, I'm really stunned...

[Lotus]

Wow! What a day!

I think the most important thing is to always have witnesses when you are with your wife. She is obviously not above lying to get you in trouble. You must completely control your temper, and never so much as touch her. She is a volcano set to explode. Do what you said you would do, tell the boss' wife.

Odd that she thinks you will break up the boss' marriage with your actions, and not your wife and the boss with their actions. But regardless, you are probably right, boss is done with her on more than one level as soon as the wife finds out. Your wife will likely be looking for work.

You will need a big umbrella for a couple of days. The chitt is really going to fly!

[Bridgestone]

DDogs,
I'm sorry for your pain & what has to be an very rock & emotionally upheaving past few days.

A question for you:
What is your motive for taking these actions?

Is this a 'get-even' on the way to divorce court because YOU are done?

or

Are you still DB'ing, taking Puppy's approach. to work your way back into the opportunity for a healthy M with your wife?

Peace
Bridge

[gucci loafer]

Hurry up and tell the OM's wife..

Quit dilly dallying....

You may have this affair on the ropes if you do..

This means that the OM's wife doesn't know and your wife knows she doesn't know...

WHICH means that the OM is NOT sure what he wants..

EXPOSE to the OM's wife ASAP... Time is a wastin....

Your wife will be mad. Let her be mad. Your marriage can recover from her being mad. It can't recover while she is in an affair..

[DDogs]

DDogs,
I'm sorry for your pain & what has to be an very rock & emotionally upheaving past few days.

A question for you:
What is your motive for taking these actions?

Is this a 'get-even' on the way to divorce court because YOU are done?

or

Are you still DB'ing, taking Puppy's approach. to work your way back into the opportunity for a healthy M with your wife?

Peace
Bridge

I'm trying to expose the affair and get it out in the open... I did not do this on her last affair 2 yrs ago and she gained much support from friends/family that did not know what went on... it allowed w to justify and rationalize her actions.

There can be no healthy marriage if a third party is involved. I'm trying to rid us of the OM

[DDogs]

Hurry up and tell the OM's wife..

Quit dilly dallying....

You may have this affair on the ropes if you do..

This means that the OM's wife doesn't know and your wife knows she doesn't know...

WHICH means that the OM is NOT sure what he wants..

EXPOSE to the OM's wife ASAP... Time is a wastin....

Your wife will be mad. Let her be mad. Your marriage can recover from her being mad. It can't recover while she is in an affair..

GUCCI, I do not have contact for the OM wife,, I just have his phone contact info..

W told me today that she spoke with her lawyer, If I attempt to contact her employer or familiy, that will be harassment and the Lawyer will file a restraining order.. There is a lot legally wrong with that statement, but tells me.. wife was scared enough to contact her L.. She wants to protect the OM...

I tried to bluff W/OM into telling the OM spouse.. If i dont follow thru in 24 hrs... I can try and find the info, I know the city where they live... A possibility is that I can wait until they think I'm afraid and not going to call, and then when I get the info, go tell her...