Next steps

[avermont]

Hi all-

Wanted to let you know that LFA and I were posting a lot on her thread, "scared and needing advice.'

I posted there the crisis I went through last night with X starting the pressure on "moving forward with the house."

I would appreciate if you could take a glance over and see where I got to. A big mess, really! is where I got to!

The Next Steps that I have been struggling with:

The only official piece of papere we have is a Domestic Partnership agreement that we signed through my workplace some 15 years ago. It gave him the right to be on insurance, be a beneficiary, use facilities, etc. Over the years he never needed any of that, as he had his own insurance at his work. I did sign him up for some extra death/dismemberment insurance and few other little perks like that as they were offered by my workspace.

After the Bomb I pulled out the form, and if the DP breaks up, you are both supposed to sign the form accordingly, within 30 days. Of course I couldn't do that at the time.

I did take him off all beneficiary forms, and all extra insurance bits, so my workspace technically does not have any financial obligations to him should something happen.

So--it is the closest thing I have to "Divorce papers" for him to sign.

I have been considering putting it in the mail to him, with an envelope addressed to the workspace, so he just has to mail it off--and I will not have to see it happen.

I considered bringing it to our next bill paying session--hoping for a little "shock and awe" maybe?

But I couldn't handle him watching him easily sign off and casually toss it back to me.

I keep going back to the first week post Bomb. I left the house for a week. When we met for a Sunday check in, he asked in a bit of a choked voice "can I ask where you were all week?" I answered without much detail.

When I suggested he move out and we separate the house/car insurance, he said, no, it is still cheaper this way, "unless you want to move this whole thing along faster." He turned his head away as he said that, as if he couldn't have me see his face.

Of course I said I didn't want to move along faster, I wanted to stop time, etc.

Anyhow, for the longest time I held on to those two statements as him hoping for...something...from me to change the trajectory of the path he had chosen.

I felt I did the best I could by saying that I stayed away for the week because of the huge amount of pain (said very calmly, no tears) and that I didn't want to rush the changes along.

But the rest of everything since those 2 sad sentences has been pure WA. Just not there.

Anyhow...I am in mess about the house. Really struggling to regain some equinimity.

Advice on the DP paper? just get it signed and over with, same stress as the D papers you have all had to deal with. And I have read how much it hurts to serve those papers and call it DONE.

Good god almighty, when does the pain stop? or at least let up a bit?