Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Other interesting points from last night. Later in the evening, despite cold temps, I decided I needed fresh air, went out on walk. Had to let W know because of the kids. After walk she was way curious where I went. I said I walked in the neighborhood, she asked where and just said around and she really wanted to know what the route was what part I walked in. I found that odd/curious.

Later more talking as we hadn't gotten any resolution yet. A lot of words and a few weeks ago I'd be upbeat, by now, I know words are meaningless.

She asked what I had figured out on my walk. I said I came too 2 conclusions: if I were playing the odds, I should do whatever I can to take the job in Hawaii because I think odds are low on you wanting to work things out. I then said if I am looking out for kids to do what is right for them, I should run away from the job and continue to see if things can get worked out to not tear apart the foundation of the world as they know it. She asked for some more specifics on what I meant by working it out and also made some comments on how I have already stated I'm losing feelings every day for her. So I simply said until I have given a 100% effort to working things out, then I haven't done everything I can for the kids. She asked what 100% meant and I said I honestly don't know, but I know I haven't given it that yet. She then said do you think that means we should go to counselling. That one was a first. Luckily I was prepared, I said I think individual counselling would do us both more good right now but there is a weekend retreat program that I have read about that I might be interested in. I described retrouville slightly and vaguely to her just to plan the seed.

At some point another interesting comment that I haven't heard since early Novemeber. She says to me I don't know what my issue is, I realize lots of people have way worse issues than we have and continue to work at it, I should be able too also. At this point I nicely validated understanding how she got to this point and then tried to put a positive spin on it that yes many were worse off I've seen a lot lately, we aren't a complete lost cause. She then asked me for the examples/updates on what I've seen lately (got a lot of nasty marital problems going on around me and she knows about many). The one that caught her attention was the couple dealing with the husband cheating on his wife for 5th time. W asked me if I would divorce her if she did that 5 times. I said probably. I asked her same question and her response is probably, everyone has their breaking point.

Lastly, we've decided we need to tell our boss a little more. He is highly suspicious, he doesn't understand all the anxiety over this job, and we are going to need his support regardless of how things turn out.

And I put one last positive spin on things. Told her we had communicated more/better this weekend than we have in who knows how long. She agreed and then said but it is going to take more than communication and I agreed with her on that.

Thoughts/advice?